Grammar and Punctuation at the Bar

There are many 'a man walks into a bar' jokes, including: Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked. A dyslexic walks into a bra... There are many variations that include animals, including: A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says,... Continue Reading →

Love and Marriage

A bachelor asked a computer dating service to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small, and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities." Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin." - Author Unknown - A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see... Continue Reading →

Friends

A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the sun shines. - Benjamin Franklin - A friend is somebody who knows all about you and likes you anyway. - Author Unknown - A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. - Erma Bombeck - An... Continue Reading →

Genealogy

A modern mother was explaining to her little girl about pictures in the family photo album. The mother said, "This is the geneticist with your surrogate mother and here's your sperm donor and your father's clone. This is me holding you when you were just a frozen embryo." "Who is that?" asked the daughter. "Oh,""... Continue Reading →

Flying Machines and Flight

Airline agent to waiting passengers: "Boarding first will be the disgruntled, followed by the hopelessly late and, finally, the just plain infuriated." - Charles Almon - Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories... Continue Reading →

Law and Order

Crime After an incident in Croydon involving a prison van and a concrete mixer, police are looking for eighteen hardened criminals. - The Two Ronnies - A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation. - Howard Scott - If my body is ever found dead on... Continue Reading →

Card Playing

A well-adjusted person is one who can play bridge or golf as if they were games. - Author Unknown - Besides lovemaking and singing in the shower, there aren’t many human activities where there is a greater difference between a person’s self-delusional ability and actual ability, than in poker. - Steve Badget If, after the... Continue Reading →

Advice and Mistakes

Accept good advice gracefully - as long as it doesn't interfere with what you intend to do in the first place. - Gene Brown - Accept the fact that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue! - Author Unknown - A good scare is worth more to a man... Continue Reading →

Love the Skin You’re In

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all. – Ann Landers (1918-2002) – Beauty comes in all sizes, not just size 5. - Roseanne Barr - Becoming the... Continue Reading →

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