Farming Quotations

Cows

The Quippery

If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow.
– William Lyon Phelps –

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
– Will Rogers –

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk.”
– Ogden Nash, Free Wheeling –

The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
– John McNulty –

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticed this and asked the bull, “Why didn’t you fall down like the rest of the herd.” The bull replied, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
– Author Unknown –

To err is human; To moo is bovine.
– Author Unknown –

Tongue — a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of a dead cow.
– Bob Ekstrom –

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, “I think that I’ll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?
– Bill Watterson –

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
-Author Unknown –

Horses

An old friend once told me that if you were given a barn full of manure to shovel out, it was a tremendous idea to keep in mind that a pony had to be in there somewhere.
– Peter Jensen –

Don’t give your sons money. Give them horses. Many a good son has been ruined through the acquisition of money but no good son has been ruined through the acquisition of horses. Unless they fell and broke their neck, which when taken at the gallop is a very good death to die.
– Winston Churchill –

For the most part, I’d say if you crossed a cat with a smart dog, made him a matriarchal vegetarian, gave him sleek beauty, a mass of muscle, and the desire to run, then what you’d have is a horse.
– Tom Spanbauer –

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
– W.C. Fields –

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
– Author Unknown –

Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.
– Werner Erhard –

The horse knows. If you know, he knows. He also knows if you don’t know.
– Ray Hunt –

There is a lot of folklore about equestrian statues, especially the ones with riders on them. There is said to be a code in the number and placement of the horse’s hooves: If one of the horse’s hooves is in the air, the rider was wounded in battle; two legs in the air means that the rider was killed in battle; three legs in the air indicates that the rider got lost on the way to the battle; and four legs in the air means that the sculptor was very, very clever. Five legs in the air means that there’s probably at least one other horse standing behind the horse you’re looking at; and the rider lying on the ground with his horse lying on top of him with all four legs in the air means that the rider was either a very incompetent horseman or owned a very bad-tempered horse.
– Terry Pratchett –

What did the mamma horse say to the baby horse?
It’s pasture bed time.
– Author Unknown –

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him participate in synchronized diving.
– Cuthbert Soup –

Farming

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from the corn field.
– Dwight D. Eisenhower –

John Deere, I’m leaving you. In Case you don’t know why, it’s because my cousin Oliver told me you were messing around with Allis-Chalmers. I can’t believe I thought you were on the Farmall those times.
– Author Unknown –

It was always my belief that farmers developed strange theories of cause and effect because they spent too much time alone. A combination of incomplete information and a lack of critical review led to some odd conclusions. In the early days of farming, a reinforcing factor in all this was that horses seemed willing to accept almost any theory if it was accompanied by oats. It was a closed circle.
– Leonard G. Lee, Lee Valley Tools –

There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace.
– Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac –

We Prairie folks figure crop circles are a sign that 1. there are other intelligent beings in the universe and 2. they’re farmers.
– Mike O’Brien –

You can make a small fortune in farming-provided you start with a large one.
– Author Unknown –

Pigs

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
– George Bernard Shaw –

I never met a pig I didn’t like. All pigs are intelligent, emotional, and sensitive souls. They all love company. They all crave contact and comfort. Pigs have a delightful sense of mischief; most of them seem to enjoy a good joke and appreciate music. And that is something you would certainly never suspect from your relationship with a pork chop.
– Sy Montgomery –

It’s no good running a pig farm badly for thirty years while saying, “Really I was meant to be a ballet dancer.” By that time, pigs will be your style.
– Quentin Crisp –

These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
– Alfred Hitchcock –

Poultry

Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.
– Aesop Fables, The Milkmaid and her Pail –

Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed.
– William Jennings Bryan –

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
– Author Unknown –

The cocks may crow, but it’s the hen that lays the egg.
– Margaret Thatcher –

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
– Mark Twain –

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.
– Martina Navratilova –

You can be a rooster one day and a feather duster the next.
– Frank McManus –

Sheep

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.
– Author Unknown –

Taxation: how the sheep are shorn.
– Edward Abbey –

The herd instinct among forecasters makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
– Edgar Fiedler –

Where does virgin wool come from? The sheep that runs the fastest.
– Harry F. Banks –