Housework Quotations

The Quippery

A messy house is a happy home! Bullshit. How many smiling kids have your seen on Hoarders?
1. Log off Facebook
2. Clean your house.
– rottencards –

Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, I’m going to assume there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.
– Author Unknown –

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
– Phyllis Diller –

Don’t refluff the guest towels – just admit that you used them.
– Dee Ann Stewart – Secrets to a Simpler Life –

Do not take the chill off the room by turning the iron to the cotton setting.
– Erma Bombeck –

Due to circumstances beyond our control, our butler and maid have resigned. Your cooperation in helping to keep this place clean will be greatly appreciated.
– Author Unknown –

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed… and clean the whole house while she sleeps.
– memions.com –

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.
– Mark Twain –

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?
– Katherine Whitehorn –

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
– Erma Bombeck –

Housework never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
– Author Unknown –

Keeping house is like threading beads on a string with no knot at the end.
– Author Unknown –

I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.
– someecards.com –

I hate 4 letter words… diet – dust – cook – wash – iron.
– Author Unknown –

I have discovered the secret to a clean house: never let our children or husband enter it.
– Author Unknown –

…I have to go home and get a few things done. If I don’t get out the Pledge soon, the dust bunnies are going to be leaving tracks on my furniture…
– Carla Foft, Addressing Spirits –

I love those 17 seconds when the laundry is all caught up!
– Author Unknown –

I’m eighteen years behind on my ironing. No use doing it now – it doesn’t fit anyone I know.
– Phyllis Diller –

I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
– Roseanne Barr –

I’m not the least bit domestic, and I don’t care. We have a ring around the tub you could set a drink on.
– Phyllis Diller –

Instead of organizing and cleaning my house, I pin ideas on how to organize and clean my house. The irony is not lost on me.
– Unknown Pinterest User –

I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning – just not as it applies to me.
– Author Unknown –

Life is full of choices: remove your shoes or mop the floor.
– Author Unknown –

My ex used to have this fantasy about me cleaning the house in a sexy French Maid outfit. Actually, the fantasy was just the part about me cleaning the house.
– Maxine –

My housekeeping style is best described as ‘there appears to have been a struggle’.
– the Print Orchard –

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
– Erma Bombeck –

My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself!
– Maxine –

My kitchen was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.
-Author Unknown –

My neighbor asked if she could use my vacuum cleaner. I said, “Sure, as long as you don’t take it out of my house.”
– Author Unknown –

Normal person’s weekly chore list:
1. clean kitchen.
2. clean bathroom.
3. clean entire rest of domicile.
Cleaning impaired person’s weekly chore list:
1. don’t get peanut butter on sheets.”
– Dave Barry –

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
– Jerry Seinfeld –

Of all modern notions, the worst is this: that domesticity is dull. Inside the home, they say, is dead decorum and routine; outside is adventure and variety. But the truth is that the home is the only place of liberty, the only spot on earth where a man can alter arrangements suddenly, make an experiment or indulge in a whim. The home is not the one tame place in a world of adventure; it is the one wild place in a world of rules and set tasks.
– G.K. Chesterton –

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on the back of the shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
– boardofwisdom.com –

Sort tomorrow. Wash later. Fold next week. Iron never.
– Author Unknown –

There is no daily chore so trivial that it cannot be made important by skipping it two days running.
– Robert Brault –

There is one kitchen chore I don’t mind – polishing off the cookies!
– Maxine –

This spring I’m cleaning out everything. So yes – I’ll be taking a decongestant AND a laxative!
– Maxine –

Who needs Prince Charming? I just want those forest animals that clean my kitchen.
– Maxine –

You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
– Cecil Baxter –

You never know what you have until… you clean your room.
– Author Unknown –