Author: Margy

Advice and Mistakes

Accept good advice gracefully – as long as it doesn’t interfere with what you intend to do in the first place. – Gene Brown – Accept the fact that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue! – Author Unknown – A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. – E. W. Howe – All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. – Red Skelton – Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. – Author Unknown – Creativity is often blocked by trying to be perfect. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. – Tony Robbins – Experience is a marvelous thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake whenever you make it again. – Franklin P. Jones – Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld – I always pass on good …

Love the Skin You’re In

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all. – Ann Landers (1918-2002) – Beauty comes in all sizes, not just size 5. – Roseanne Barr – Becoming the new feminine ideal requires just the right combination of insecurity, exercise, bulimia and surgery. – G. B. Trudeau – Beauty is about perception, not about make-up. I think the beginning of all beauty is knowing and liking oneself. You can’t put on make-up, or dress yourself, or do you hair with any sort of fun or joy if you’re doing it from a position of correction. – Kevyn Aucoin – But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed …

Coffee and Tea

All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person. – Author Unknown – American-style iced tea is the perfect drink for a hot, sunny day. It’s never really caught on in the UK, probably because the last time we had a hot, sunny day was back in 1957. – Tom Holt – A morning without coffee is like sleep. – Author Unknown – As far as her mom was concerned, tea fixed everything. Have a cold? Have some tea. Broken bones? There’s a tea for that too. Somewhere in her mother’s pantry, Laurel suspected, was a box of tea that said, ‘In case of Armageddon, steep three to five minutes’. – Aprilynne Pike, Illusions – Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. – Author Unknown – COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. – Author Unknown – C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep? – Author Unknown – Déjà Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before. – Author Unknown – Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors? …

Color

Almost all words do have color and nothing is more pleasant than to utter a pink word and see someone’s eyes light up and know it is a pink word for him or her too. – Gladys Taber – Any color, so long as it’s black. – Henry Ford – Artists can color the sky red because they know it’s blue. Those of us who aren’t artists must color things the way they really are or people might think we’re stupid. – Jules Feiffer – Besides, I’ve been feeling a little blue – just a pale, elusive azure. It isn’t serious enough for anything darker. – Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of the Island – Blue is the only color which maintains its own character in all its tones… it will always stay blue; whereas yellow is blackened in its shades, and fades away when lightened; red when darkened becomes brown, and diluted with white is no longer red, but another color – pink. – Raoul Dufy – Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding …

Wildlife

Canine In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food. – Billy Crystal – Suburban foxes are not simply tame towards men. They are also damn supercilious. One pads amongst the azaleas in our garden at night, staring through the lounge windows to watch the News at Ten. – Richard Gordon – The English country gentleman galloping after a fox – the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. – Oscar Wilde – There are, of course, several things in Ontario that are more dangerous than wolves. For instance, the step-ladder. – J.W. Curran – Cervidae According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s …

Housework

A messy house is a happy home! Bullshit. How many smiling kids have your seen on Hoarders? 1. Log off Facebook 2. Clean your house. – rottencards – Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, I’m going to assume there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet. – Author Unknown – Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. – Phyllis Diller – Don’t refluff the guest towels – just admit that you used them. – Dee Ann Stewart – Secrets to a Simpler Life – Do not take the chill off the room by turning the iron to the cotton setting. – Erma Bombeck – Due to circumstances beyond our control, our butler and maid have resigned. Your cooperation in helping to keep this place clean will be greatly appreciated. – Author Unknown – Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed… and clean the whole house while she …

Cars, Trucks, Garage and Licenses

A commuter tie-up consists of you — and people who for some reason won’t use public transit. – Robert Brault – After you’ve heard two different eyewitness accounts of the same automobile accident, you begin to wonder about the validity of history. How do we know, for sure, what ever happened anywhere? – Bits & Pieces Vol D #5 – And I, I took the road less traveled by. I was using a GPS system. – Robert Brault – An object at rest tends to stay at rest, especially if you’re behind it when the light turns green. – Robert Brault – A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank. – Author Unknown – A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. – Peter De Vries – A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. – Author Unknown – Cheap, fast and reliable. Pick two. – Author Unknown – Direction is more important than …

Vegetables

Advice from a Pumpkin: Be well-rounded. Get plenty of sunshine. Give thanks for life’s bounty. Have a thick skin. Keep growing. Be outstanding in your field. Think big! – Ilan Shamir – After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps. -Miss Piggy – Any dish that has either a taste or an appearance that can be improved by parsley is ipso facto a dish unfit for human consumption. – Ogden Nash – An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. – Henry L. Mencken – Butternut squash is a real letdown. No butter, no nuts, just squash. – Author Unknown – Calories are little units that measure how good a particular food tastes. Fudge, for example, has a great many calories, whereas celery, which is not really a food but a member of the plywood family provided by mother nature …

Golf

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse. – Author Unknown – Anyone caught collecting golf balls will have their balls removed. – Sign somewhere – Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course. – Lee Trevino – Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study ‘Shanks – No Thanks’ by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard’s excellent ‘Tennis for Beginners’. – Henry Beard – Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it’s called the PGA Tour. – Alex Hay – Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. – Author Unknown – Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it. – Robin Williams – Golf is a game …

Math and Number

Algorithms Apply shampoo to wet hair. Massage to lather, then rinse. Repeat. – An infinite loop hair-washing algorithm – I have a simple algorithm, which is, wherever you see paid researchers instead of grad students, that’s not where you want to be doing research. – Larry Page – I know how models are built, because I build them myself, so I know that I’m embedding my values into every single algorithm I create and I am projecting my agenda onto those algorithms. – Cathy O’Neil – Nothing will ever replace the experience of wandering haphazardly through a great bookstore, no matter how many algorithms are developed to find matches for our tastes. That’s because not only is there no accounting for taste, there is no predicting it either. – Dominique Browning – Someone from the Internet Writing Workshop sent me a link to the Gender Genie, where you paste in a section of text and it uses an algorithm to detect whether the author is male or female. Or, if you’re an author, you can …

Marine Life

Fish It is much better to eat little fish like sardines directly from the ocean, rather than after they have been filtered through a larger predator. – Deep Sea News – If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow – Author Unknown – The codfish lays ten thousand eggs, The homely hen lays one; The codfish never cackles, To tell you when she’s done; And so we scorn the codfish, While the humble hen we prize; Which only goes to show you, That it pays to advertise. – Author Unknown – What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh. – Author Unknown – What side of a fish has the most scales? The outside – Author Unknown – What’s the King of Russia’s favourite fish? Tsardines – Author Unknown – Fishing A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. – Author Unknown – A country church – people wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were trout or northern pike. – Author …

Farming

Cows If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow. – William Lyon Phelps – Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. – Will Rogers – The cow is of the bovine ilk; One end is moo, the other milk.” – Ogden Nash, Free Wheeling – The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. – John McNulty – There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticed this and asked the bull, “Why didn’t you fall down like the rest of the herd.” The bull replied, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.” – Author Unknown – To err is human; To moo is bovine. – Author Unknown – Tongue — a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses …