Category: Career

Law and Order


The Quippery

After an incident in Croydon involving a prison van and a concrete mixer, police are looking for eighteen hardened criminals.
– The Two Ronnies –

A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
– Howard Scott –

If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
– –

If you don’t know there’s a trampoline in the room, you’re not going to dust the ceiling for prints.
– Law and Order TV Show –

I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. (New York Mayor when accused of not paying his taxes.)
– David Denkins –

Is forbidden to steal towels, please. If you are not person to do such is please not to read notice.
– Sign in Tokyo Hotel –

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
– Woody Allen –

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.
– Oscar Wilde –

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
– Jerry Seinfeld –

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
– Woody Allen –

The activities director at a state correctional institution in Pennsylvania points out the limitations of a prison athletic program: No pole-vaulting, no cross-country running and no away games.
– Herm Albright –

There’s the scarlet thread of murder running through the colourless skein of life, and our duty is to unravel it, and isolate it, and expose every inch of it.
– Holmes, in “A Study in Scarlet”, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle –

We don’t seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
– Will Rogers –

When I was a boy, my moma would send me down to a corner store with $1 and I’d come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs. You can’t do that now – too many security cameras.
– Author Unknown –

You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone
– Al Capone –

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
– Author Unknown –


99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
– Steven Wright –

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a “brief.”
– Franz Kafka –

A Lawyer Says: “Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures.”
Which means: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
-Author Unknown –

Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. “How’s it going?” someone asked. “Not too bad,” answered Diogenes. “I still have my lantern.”
– Author Unknown –

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
– Steven Wright –

I don’t believe man is woman’s natural enemy. Perhaps his lawyer is.
– Shana Alexander –

Imagine the appeals, dissents and remandments,
if lawyers had written ‘The Ten Commandments’.
– Harry Bender –

I wholly disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
– S.G. Tallentyre, The Friends of Voltaire (1906) –

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
– Ambrose Bierce –

Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court.
– David Porter –

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
– Will Rogers –

No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
– Carrie Chapman Catt –

Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the mainstream and damn it up.
– John Naisbitt, Megatrends –

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
– Author Unknown –

Somebody recently figured out that we have 35 million laws to enforce the ten commandments.
– Bert Masterson or Earl Wilson –

Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.
– Henry David Thoreau –

Talk is cheap – unless you hire a lawyer.
– Wayne Mackey –

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.
– Will Rogers –

To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We’re all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.
– Jerry Seinfeld –

Two thirds of the world’s lawyers are located in the United States. This has led, in some quarters, to occasional suggestions for a new export product.
– Author Unknown –

We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
– Ronald Reagan –

Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein.
– Guindon –

What we need to do is to stop passing laws. We have enough laws now to govern the world for the next 10,000 years. Every crank who has a foolish notion that he would like to impose upon everybody else hastens to some legislative body and demands that it be graven upon the statutes. Every fanatic who wants to control his neighbor’s conduct is here or at some other legislative body demanding that a law be passed to regulate that neighbor’s conduct.
– James A. Reed, in 67 Congressional Record 10,708 (1926) –

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
– Norm Crosby –

Politics and Government


4-socialism The Quippery

A fine city with too many socialists and mosquitoes. At least you can spray the mosquitoes.
– Ralph Klein speaking in 1990 as a Progressive Conservative MLA from the City of Calgary –

Canadians often point out that while the American constitution promises “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” the constitution of Canada – written in the 1860s in England – sets a more modest goal: “Peace, order, and good government.”
– Robert Fulford –

Here in Canada, national political campaigns are brief: We begin by pretty much ignoring the whole thing for a few weeks – then there’s a debate, a little yelling, maybe some pointing, every leader buys a bunch of Timbits and, boom, suddenly it’s election day.
But in the United States, presidential campaigns last longer than all pregnancies and most wars.
– Scott Feschuk, MACLEAN’S Magazine, September 3, 2012 –

The trouble lies in the fact that a Canadian Prime Minister has never been exiled to the Arctic.
– Stefansson Vilhjalmeer –

To create a housing shortage in a huge country, heavily wooded, with a small population – ah, that’s the proof of pure political genius.
– Author Unknown –


A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
– Caskie Stinnett –

An intelligent Russian once remarked to us, “Every country has it’s own constitution; ours is absolutism, moderated by assassination.”
– Georg Herbert –

A politician can appear to have his nose to the grindstone while straddling a fence and keeping both ears to the ground.

Arguing with Liberals – It’s like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around like it is victorious.
– Author Unknown –

By keeping the population in a state of artificially heightened apprehension, the government-cum-media prepares the ground for planting specific measures of taxation, regulation, surveillance, reporting, and other invasions of the people’s wealth, privacy, and freedoms.
– Robert Higgs -Fear: The Foundation of Every Government’s Power –

“Dad”, the little boy asked, “Do political plums grow from seeds?” “No, son,” replied the father. “They’re the result of clever grafting.”

Democracy consists of choosing our dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
– Alan Coren –

Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to communism, which is too dull, or Facism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government. This is not to say that it is without its drawbacks – chief among them being its regrettable tendency to encourage people in the belief that all men are created equal. And although the vast majority need only take a quick look around the room to see that this is hardly the case, a great many remain utterly convinced.
– Fran Lebowitz –

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
– H. L. Mencken –

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
– James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994) –

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper.
– Robert Orben –

Dogbert’s Home Safety Tips #2 – Your household may have a member who can legally vote but probably shouldn’t.
– Scott Adams –

Fear mongering is the deliberate use of fear based tactics including exaggeration and continuous repetition to alter the perception of the public in order to achieve a desired outcome.
– Wikipedia –

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
– Author Unknown –

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
– George Bernard Shaw –

How does a bureaucrat wink? He opens one eye.
– Author Unknow –

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
– Author Unknown –

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
– Winston Churchill –

I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
– Need to Vent Freely –

Managers and supervisors with large numbers of people under them – each with his own ideas – must sometimes feel like Charles DeGaulle, who once lamented, “Nobody can simply bring together a country that has 265 kinds of cheese.
– Author Unknown –

Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
– Norman Ralph Augustine –

The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers with the smallest possible amount of hissing.
– Jean Baptiste Colbert –

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
– Winston Churchill –

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain –

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
– Maureen Murphy –

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
– George Burns –

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
– Kurt Vonnegut –

What if I told you that the left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird.
– Indian Observation –

Why doesn’t a bureaucrat look out his office window in the morning? Because he needs something to do in the afternoon.–


A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation’s state legislators.
– Dave Barry-

A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.
– Gerald R. Ford –

A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.
– Rosalynn Carter –

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.
– Johnny Carson –

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
– Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University –

Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
– Ronald Reagan –

I don’t think America should elect any President in 2016. We kneed to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
– Author Unknown –

I’d rather entrust the government of the United States to the first four hundred people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University.
– William F Buckley –

If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
– Jon Stewart –

I feel like Trump and Clinton are two divorced parents, fighting for custody of us. And we just wanna go live with grandma.
– Laugh OR Croak –

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
– Bumper Sticker –

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
– Abraham Lincoln –

I’ll be glad to reply to or dodge your questions, depending on what I think will help our election most.
– George H. W. Bush –

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
– Adlai Stevenson –

Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it.
– Author Unknown –

The American taxpayer is another scarce natural resource that will be depleted unless used only when absolutely necessary.
– Author Unknown –

The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
– Ronald Reagan –

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.
– Ronald Reagan –

The only thing I fear more than the government shutting down is the government staying open.
– someecards –

…this (American) presidential campaign is about twice the average gestation period of an orangutan. The 2016 Canadian federal election will have a gestation period between that of a wolf (64 days) and a leopard (94 days). A mere nothing.
– David Shribman, Globe and Mail, August 4, 2015 –

Trump is what happens when you spent the last 7 Thanksgiving dinners lecturing your angry uncle from your Vox index cards.
– Clarice Feldman, American Thinker, November 13, 2016 –

Trump uses Twitter like a stick with words written on it. Think about a man using that stick to poke a bear. The stick keeps the man away from the bear, but he can still poke the bear with his stick. So he pokes and prods and pushes the bear with the stick.
– Willis Eschenbach –
Willis then asks the question – does it matter what is written on the stick (which is what the media dissects word by word) or is the only thing worth considering: what does the bear do when it is poked?

What could be worse for a creaky, cancerous political system than what the Democratic and Republican parties are brewing up? Nothing really. This is as bad as it gets… First: Do I even bother to vote?
For those who do cast a ballot, there is the even sadder choice: Which candidate do I loathe the least?
– Ron Fournier, The Atlantic, American election 2016

Years from now, when telling my future grandchildren about 2015, I will speak at length about the treachery, fibs, toxic scoops, deceits, tall tales, viral hoaxes, half-truths, tomfoolery, unverified junk and fake news.
“What a time to be alive,” I will say. “You just didn’t know what to believe in 2015.”
– From The Truth Wasn’t Out There –