Category: Nature



The Quippery

In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food.
– Billy Crystal –

Suburban foxes are not simply tame towards men. They are also damn supercilious. One pads amongst the azaleas in our garden at night, staring through the lounge windows to watch the News at Ten.
– Richard Gordon –

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox – the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
– Oscar Wilde –

There are, of course, several things in Ontario that are more dangerous than wolves. For instance, the step-ladder.
– J.W. Curran –


According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
– From Snopes Reindeer Games

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns.
– Gilbert William –

Due to the shape of the North American elk’s esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna.
– Cliff Claven, Cheers TV Show –

Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers. I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time…
– Ellen DeGeneres –

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. In fact, a moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old.
– Bill Bryson – Notes from a Big Country –

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
– Ellen DeGeneres –

I beg your pardon, but I am eating up your garden.
– The White-tailed Deer –

It’s one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!… That’s a real talent.
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single –

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ‘Embraceable You’ in spats.
– Woody Allen –

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.90, but deer nuts are under a buck.
– Author Unknown –


The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.
– Woody Allen –


Four legs good, two legs bad.
– George Orwell, Animal Farm –

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.
– Charles Darwin –

It’s so weird all the different names they have for groups of animals. They have pride of lions, school of fish, rack of lamb. . .
– Ellen DeGeneres –

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
– Alexei Sayle –

Monkeys and Apes

When you cross a gorilla and a mink you get a beautiful coat – but the sleeves are too long!
– Author Unknown –


Hallo, Rabbit,” he said, “is that you?”
“Let’s pretend it isn’t,” said Rabbit, “and see what happens.”
– A.A. Milne –

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinosauruses
I only likes hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me, too.
– John Rox, Sung by Gayla Peevey –

No one in the world needs a mink coat but a mink.
– Murray Banks –

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud.
– Carl Sandburg –


Notice – It’s easy to forget that your original objective was to drain the swamp when you are up to your neck in alligators.
– Sign at Gatorland, Florida –

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
― Steve Irwin –


I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu… But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.
– Author Unknown –

Support your right to arm bears.
– Cleveland Amory –

Marine Life


The Quippery

It is much better to eat little fish like sardines directly from the ocean, rather than after they have been filtered through a larger predator.
– Deep Sea News –

If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow
– Author Unknown –

The codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays one;
The codfish never cackles,
To tell you when she’s done;
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize;
Which only goes to show you,
That it pays to advertise.
– Author Unknown –

What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh.
– Author Unknown –

What side of a fish has the most scales?
The outside
– Author Unknown –

What’s the King of Russia’s favourite fish?
– Author Unknown –


A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
– Author Unknown –

A country church – people wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were trout or northern pike.
– Author Unknown –

Bait – Live Worms – Guaranteed to catch fish or die trying.
– Author Unknown –

“Carpe Diem” does not mean “fish of the day.”
– Author Unknown –

Bass fishermen watch Monday night football, drink beer, drive pickup trucks and prefer noisy women with big breasts. Trout fishermen watch MacNeil-Lehrer, drink white wine, drive foreign cars with passenger-side air bags and hardly think about women at all. This last characteristic may have something to do with the fact that trout fishermen spend most of the time immersed up to the thighs in ice-cold water.
– Author Unknown –

Everyone should believe in something; I believe I’ll go fishing.
– Henry David Thoreau –

Fishing is a quest for knowledge and wonder as much as a pursuit of fish; it is as much an acquaintance with beavers, dippers, and other fishermen as it is the challenge of catching trout.
– Paul Schullery –

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
– Zenna Schaffer –

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– Author Unknown –

Good things come to those who bait.
– Author Unknown –

I came across a tribe of cannibals who’d been converted by Roman Catholic missionaries. Now, on Friday, they only eat fishermen.
– Max Kauffmann –

If I fished only to capture fish, my fishing trips would have ended long ago.
– Zane Grey –

In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait.
– Jose Simon –

I think I fish, in part, because it’s an anti-social, bohemian business that, when gone about properly, puts you forever outside the mainstream culture without actually landing you in an institution.
– John Gierach –

It was always the biggest Fish I caught that got away.
– Eugene Field –

I used to like fishing because I thought it had some larger significance. Now I like fishing because it’s the one thing I can think of that probably doesn’t.
– John Gierach –

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
– Steven Wright –

Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.
– Jimmy D. Moore –

One man’s fish is another man’s poisson.
– Author Unknown –

Question: What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common? Answer: They don’t really have to catch anything to be happy.
– Robert Orben –

Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher’s salary.”
– Patrick McManus –

Sell a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach a man how to fish, you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.
– Karl Marx –

Some fisherman view catch-and-release salmon fishing in much the same light as drinking crème de menthe and showing an unnatural interest in soft furnishings. They know some chaps do it – but they would not want one marrying their daughter or putting up for the Club.
– Author Unknown –

The best way to a fisherman’s heart is through his fly.
– Author Unknown –

The fishing was good; it was the catching that was bad.
– A.K. Best –

There are two types of fisherman – those who fish for sport and those who fish for fish.
– Author Unknown –

Three-fourths of the Earth’s surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn.
– Chuck Clark –


Interesting fact: a shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
– Sean Lock –

Sharks aren’t so bad. If a stranger came into my house wearing a speedo, I would probably attack him too.
– –

Sharks have been swimming the oceans unchallenged for thousands of years; chances are, the species that roams corporate waters will prove just as hardy.
– Eric Gelman –

There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
– L.M. Boyd –


I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered along the beaches around the world. Maybe you’ve seen it.
– Steven Wright –

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much — the wheel, New York, wars and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man — for precisely the same reasons.
– Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy –

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
– Variance on a quote by Stephen Wright –


Dory: Okay, he either said, “move to the back of the throat,” or he “wants a root beer float”.
– Dory the Blue Tang fish, while inside the whales mouth in ‘Finding Nemo’ –

Fiction was invented the day Jonas arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.
– Gabriel Garcia Marquez –

…if swimming is so good for the figure, how do you explain whales?
– Charles Saatchi –

You can’t catch a whale in Oklahoma. There’s a law against it. You can’t catch a whale in North Dakota, either. No law, just no whales.
– Gus McLeavy –



The Quippery

If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow.
– William Lyon Phelps –

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
– Will Rogers –

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk.”
– Ogden Nash, Free Wheeling –

The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
– John McNulty –

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticed this and asked the bull, “Why didn’t you fall down like the rest of the herd.” The bull replied, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
– Author Unknown –

To err is human; To moo is bovine.
– Author Unknown –

Tongue — a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of a dead cow.
– Bob Ekstrom –

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, “I think that I’ll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?
– Bill Watterson –

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
-Author Unknown –


An old friend once told me that if you were given a barn full of manure to shovel out, it was a tremendous idea to keep in mind that a pony had to be in there somewhere.
– Peter Jensen –

Don’t give your sons money. Give them horses. Many a good son has been ruined through the acquisition of money but no good son has been ruined through the acquisition of horses. Unless they fell and broke their neck, which when taken at the gallop is a very good death to die.
– Winston Churchill –

For the most part, I’d say if you crossed a cat with a smart dog, made him a matriarchal vegetarian, gave him sleek beauty, a mass of muscle, and the desire to run, then what you’d have is a horse.
– Tom Spanbauer –

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
– W.C. Fields –

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
– Author Unknown –

Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.
– Werner Erhard –

The horse knows. If you know, he knows. He also knows if you don’t know.
– Ray Hunt –

There is a lot of folklore about equestrian statues, especially the ones with riders on them. There is said to be a code in the number and placement of the horse’s hooves: If one of the horse’s hooves is in the air, the rider was wounded in battle; two legs in the air means that the rider was killed in battle; three legs in the air indicates that the rider got lost on the way to the battle; and four legs in the air means that the sculptor was very, very clever. Five legs in the air means that there’s probably at least one other horse standing behind the horse you’re looking at; and the rider lying on the ground with his horse lying on top of him with all four legs in the air means that the rider was either a very incompetent horseman or owned a very bad-tempered horse.
– Terry Pratchett –

What did the mamma horse say to the baby horse?
It’s pasture bed time.
– Author Unknown –

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him participate in synchronized diving.
– Cuthbert Soup –


Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from the corn field.
– Dwight D. Eisenhower –

John Deere, I’m leaving you. In Case you don’t know why, it’s because my cousin Oliver told me you were messing around with Allis-Chalmers. I can’t believe I thought you were on the Farmall those times.
– Author Unknown –

It was always my belief that farmers developed strange theories of cause and effect because they spent too much time alone. A combination of incomplete information and a lack of critical review led to some odd conclusions. In the early days of farming, a reinforcing factor in all this was that horses seemed willing to accept almost any theory if it was accompanied by oats. It was a closed circle.
– Leonard G. Lee, Lee Valley Tools –

There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace.
– Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac –

We Prairie folks figure crop circles are a sign that 1. there are other intelligent beings in the universe and 2. they’re farmers.
– Mike O’Brien –

You can make a small fortune in farming-provided you start with a large one.
– Author Unknown –


I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
– George Bernard Shaw –

I never met a pig I didn’t like. All pigs are intelligent, emotional, and sensitive souls. They all love company. They all crave contact and comfort. Pigs have a delightful sense of mischief; most of them seem to enjoy a good joke and appreciate music. And that is something you would certainly never suspect from your relationship with a pork chop.
– Sy Montgomery –

It’s no good running a pig farm badly for thirty years while saying, “Really I was meant to be a ballet dancer.” By that time, pigs will be your style.
– Quentin Crisp –

These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
– Alfred Hitchcock –


Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.
– Aesop Fables, The Milkmaid and her Pail –

Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed.
– William Jennings Bryan –

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
– Author Unknown –

The cocks may crow, but it’s the hen that lays the egg.
– Margaret Thatcher –

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
– Mark Twain –

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.
– Martina Navratilova –

You can be a rooster one day and a feather duster the next.
– Frank McManus –


I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.
– Author Unknown –

Taxation: how the sheep are shorn.
– Edward Abbey –

The herd instinct among forecasters makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
– Edgar Fiedler –

Where does virgin wool come from? The sheep that runs the fastest.
– Harry F. Banks –

Flower, Plant and Gardening

The Quippery

A garden is never so good as it will be next year.
– Thomas Cooper –

A lawn is nature under totalitarian rule.
– Michael Pollan –

A riot of variety within the rather formal plan; by August, the perennial beds look like blondes at the bar, spilling over their dresses.
– Nicole Eaton; Charles Oberdorf –

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
– Anais Nin –

As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
– Woody Allen –

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except learning how to grow in rows.
– Doug Larson –

Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.
– Henry Beard –

Confucius say, A man should not create a garden larger than his wife can maintain.
– Author Unknown –

Confucius say: If you want to be happy for an hour, get drunk. If you want to be happy for a year, get married. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, become a gardener.
– Author Unknown –

Consider the many special delights a lawn affords: soft mattress for a creeping baby; worm hatchery for a robin; croquet or badminton court; baseball diamond; restful green perspectives leading the eye to a background of flower beds, shrubs, or hedge; green shadows – “This lawn, a carpet all alive/With shadows flung from leaves’ – as changing and as spellbinding as the waves of the sea, whether flecked with sunlight under trees of light foliage, like elm and locust, or deep, dark, solid shade, moving slowly as the tide, under maple and oak. This carpet!
– Katharine S. White, Onward and Upward in the Garden, 1979 –

Daffy-down-dilly is come to town,
In her yellow petticoat and green gown.
– Edith Holden –

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.
― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril –

Don’t be envious if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It’s also harder to cut.
– Bits & Pieces, Feb 1994 –

Essential advice for the gardener: grow peas of mind, lettuce be thankful, squash selfishness, turnip to help thy neighbor, and always make thyme for loved ones.
– Author Unknown –

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.
– Bill Meyer –

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from the corn field.
– Dwight D. Eisenhower –

Gardeners learn by trowel and error.
– Author Unknown –

Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it.
– Author Unknown –

Gardens are not made
By singing, “Oh how beautiful!”
and sitting in the shade.
– Rudyard Kipling –

Gardens are a form of autobiography.
– Sydney Eddison –

Has any gardening couple ever owned enough wheelbarrows? I’d love to know. And if they have, what is the number?
– Mirabel Osler –

I appreciate the misunderstanding I have had with Nature over my perennial  border. I think it is a flower garden; she thinks it is a meadow lacking grass, and tries to correct the error.
– Sara Stein, My Weeds –

I came from the earth, I’ll return to the earth and in between I’ll garden.
– Author Unknown –

If summer weekends are for rest and relaxation, how come they invented all that lawn-care equipment?
– Author Unknown –

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
– Doug Larson –

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.
– Alice Walker –

If you look closely at a tree you’ll notice it’s knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully.
– Matthew Fox –

If you plant a tree, don’t keep pulling it up by the roots to see how it’s growing.
– Author Unknown –

If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging.
– Alan Bennett –

I like the me who talks to trees to let them know how well they are doing and how good they are looking. I like the me who wakes up in the morning feeling joyful that there is so much to do instead of burdened because there is so much to do.
– John Robert McFarland –

In old age, and having been sprained by the weight of snow over the decades, the hedges now wobble along, imperfect, but full of vegetable dignity…
– Description of Walmer Castle Hedges, Heritage Magazine Issue 48 –

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
– Eleanor Roosevelt –

I suppose that for most people one of the darker joys of gardening is that once you’ve got started it’s not at all hard to find someone who knows a little bit less than you.
– Allen Lacy –

I should like to enjoy this summer flower by flower,
as if it were to be the last one for me.
– Andre Gide –

I wander’d lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
– William Wordsworth –

I want it said of me by those who knew me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.
– Abraham Lincoln –

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.
– Hal Borland –

Most people don’t see the sun, soil, bugs, seeds, plants, moon, water, clouds, and wind the way gardeners do.
– Jamie Jobb –

Old gardeners never die, they just go to seed.
– Author Unknown –

Our England is a garden, and such gardens are not made
By singing: “Oh, how beautiful!” and sitting in the shade,
While better men than we go out and start their working lives
At grubbing weeds from gravel paths with broken dinner-knives.
– Rudyard Kipling –

People are like your little plants, they’re always partial to the soil they were first grown in.
– Greg MacPherson –

Roses are red,
Violets are blue;
But they don’t get around
Like the dandelions do.
– Slim Acres –

Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are.
– Alfred Austin –

so much depends upon
a red wheel barrow
glazed with rain water
beside the white chickens.
– William Carlos Williams –

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
– Bill Vaughn –

Sunflower, good mornin’, you sure do make it like a sunny day.
– Niel Diamond –

The ability of dandelions to tell the time is somewhat exaggerated, owing to the fact that there is always one seed that refuses to be blown off; the time usually turns out to be 37 o’clock.
– Miles Kington –

The guy who wrote “A job well done never needs doing again” has never weeded a garden.
– Author Unknown –

The lemon tree in the yard continues to blossom and bear fruit. I wonder if it’s a perennial, or if like me, it’s simply unable to differentiate between seasons.
– Robert Majamaa –

Then the zucchini started to arrive; first those lovely little delicacies, then the hefty meal-in-a-zucchini – the ones that can be stacked like cordwood or shipped off to the Guiness Book of World Records. At this point the neighbors finally realized that things were getting out of control. They had planted a 25 foot row.
– Harrowsmith #14, 1989 –

The pine stays green in winter… wisdom in hardship.
– Norman Douglas –

There are not too many fables about man’s misuse of sunflower seeds.
― Richard Brautigan, The Tokyo-Montana Express –

There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace.
– Aldo Leopold –

Was it a year of lives ago
We took the grasses in our hands
And caught the summer flying low
Over the waving meadow lands,
And held it there between our hands?
– Bliss Carman –

Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.
– A. A. Milne –

While we’re looking into the causes of prejudice, let’s find out what bulldozers have against trees.
– Lane Olinghouse –

With fronds like you, who needs anemones.
– Author Unknown –

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Oh no, it’s always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.
– Dorothy Parker –

Insects and Other Invertebrates


The Quippery

Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight. Which is useful information if you’re moving out and you need help getting a potato chip across town.
– Ron Darian –

Here are a few things to keep in mind the next time ants show up in the potato salad. The 8,800 known species of the family Formicidae make up from 10% to 15% of the world’s animal biomass, the total weight of all fauna. They are the most dominant social insect in the world, found almost everywhere except in the polar regions. Ants turn more soil than earthworms; they prune, weed and police most of the earth’s carrion. Among the most gregarious of creatures, they are equipped with a sophisticated chemical communications system. To appreciate the strength and speed of this pesky invertebrate, consider that a leaf cutter the size of a man could run repeated four-minute miles while carrying 750 lbs. of potato salad.
– R.Z. Sheppard –

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
– Bill Vaughan –


Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.
– Mary Kay Ash –

Bees shouldn’t be so nice and fuzzy.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.
– William H. Walton –

Butterfly, Caterpillar

Even if you make a really nice place for it to live, with grass and dirt and a few rocks and sticks, the caterpillar will still spend all its time trying to get out of the jar.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake – as almost all hats are.
– Nikolaus Laszlo, Nora Ephron, and Delia Ephron, You’ve Got Mail –

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.
– Richard Buckminster Fuller –

True you’re a butterfly now, but you still think like a caterpillar.
– Shaun Murphy and Layton Fisher –


How brave a ladybug must be!
Each drop of rain is big as she.
Can you imagine what you’d do,
If raindrops fell as big as you?
– Aileen Fisher –

Ladybugs all dressed in red
Strolling through the flowerbed.
If I were tiny just like you
I’d creep among the flowers too!
– Maria Fleming

The Ladybug wears no disguises.
She is just what she advertises.
A speckled spectacle of spring,
A fashion statement on the wing….
A miniature orange kite.
A tiny dot-to-dot delight.
– Patrick Lewis, “The Little Buggers” –

The ladybug’s a beetle.
It’s shaped like a pea.
Its color is a bright red
With lots of spots to see.
Although the name is ladybug
Some ladybugs are men.
So why don’t we say “gentleman bug”
Every now and then?
– Author Unknown –


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
– Betty Reese –

If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
– Author Unknown –

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up the food chain as we think.
– Tom Wilson –

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
– Andy Warhol –

We’ve all known intimidation – one mosquito in a dark bedroom.
– Chan Harris –

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
– Author Unknown –


After the planet becomes theirs, many millions of years will have to pass before a beetle particularly loved by God, at the end of its calculations will find written on a sheet of paper in letters of fire that energy is equal to the mass multiplied by the square of the velocity of light. The new kings of the world will live tranquilly for a long time, confining themselves to devouring each other and being parasites among each other on a cottage industry scale.
– Primo Levi –

God in His wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.
– Ogden Nash, “The Fly” –

Great fleas have little fleas
upon their backs to bite ’em
and little fleas have lesser fleas
and so ad infinitum.”
– DeMorgan, Budget of Paradoxes –

House, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe. – Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary –

Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either.
– Woody Allen –

Some primal termite knocked on wood;
and tasted it, and found it good.
That is why your Cousin May
fell through the parlor floor today.
– Ogden Nash –

The Amazon rain forest has 2.5 million species of insects. That’s more bugs than iOS 7.
– Internet meme, c.2013 –

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.
– Mark Twain, letter to George Bainton, 1888 –

The mortal enemies of man are not his fellows of another continent or race; they are the aspects of the physical world which limit or challenge his control, the disease germs that attack him and his domesticated plants and animals, and the insects that carry many of these germs as well as working notable direct injury. This is not the age of man, however great his superiority in size and intelligence; it is literally the age of insects.
— Warder Clyde Allee –

Though snails are exceedingly slow,
There is one thing I’d like to know.
If I out run ’em round the yard,
How come they beat me to the chard?
– Allen Klein –

To see every day how people get the name “genius” just as the wood-lice in the cellar the name “millipede”—not because they have that many feet, but because most people don’t want to count to 14—this has had the result that I don’t believe anyone any more without checking.
— Georg Christoph Lichtenberg –

Two-legged creatures we are supposed to love as we love ourselves. The four-legged, also, can come to seem pretty important. But six legs are too many from the human standpoint.
– Joseph W. Krutch –


The difference between utility and utility plus beauty is the difference between telephone wires and the spider web.
– Edwin Way Teal –

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
– Author Unknown –

Under our floor,
Spider families.
Two worlds – an inch apart.
– Mike Garofalo, Cuttings –


Bait – Live Worms – Guaranteed to catch fish or die trying.
– Author Unknown –

I wish I were a glow worm,
A glow worm’s never glum.
‘Cuz how can you be grumpy
When the sun shines out your bum?
– Author Unknown –



A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
But I’m damned if I see how the helican.
– Dixon Lanier Merritt –

Bluebirds have taught me a few things. First, the more you think you know, the more you have to learn. Second, never say never because they will fool you every time! Third, they have taught me to stop sweating details in my life and learn to enjoy the simple things. There are things far greater than ourselves out there, going on unnoticed right before our eyes.
– Malinda Matsuko, Bluebirder, 2005 –

Despite their having one wing trimmed, some ravens do in fact go absent without leave and others have had to be sacked. Raven George was dismissed for eating television aerials, and Raven Grog was last seen outside an East End pub.
– The Ravens, Tower of London –

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
– Jason Hutchison or John Benfield –

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird’s intellectual energies and emotional character, so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an “author,” there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl’s thought and feeling. The difference in geese, as discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable: many are found to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be very great geese indeed.
– Ambrose Bierce –

If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?
– Will Rogers –

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
– Franklin D. Roosevelt –

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
– Steven Wright –

Owl took Christopher Robin’s notice from Rabbit and looked at it nervously. He could spell his own name WOL, and he could spell Tuesday so that you knew it wasn’t Wednesday, and he could read quite comfortably when you weren’t looking over his shoulder and saying “Well?” all the time…
– The House at Pooh Corner, A.A. Milne –

People who say that an anorexic “eats like a bird” have clearly had no experience with bluejays.
– David J. Beard (1947–2016) –

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance.
– John Ruskin –

Robins have an extremely high rate of nest fidelity. I know “nest fidelity” sounds like an investment group, but it actually means that robins regularly return to the same breeding site each season.
– Bird Watcher’s General Store –

Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
– Author Unknown –

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
– Author Unknown –

So, little snowbird, take me with you when you go.
To that land of gentle breezes where the peaceful waters flow
-Gene MacClellan, “Snowbird,” sung by Anne Murray –

That reminds me, a salt-water crocodile, a great white shark and a Canada Goose walk into a bar…
-Author Unknown –

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression
– Gary Larson –

You’ll have a lot more respect for a bird after you try making a nest.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
– Jack Handey, Deeper Thoughts: All New, All Crispy –


dog The Quippery

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
– Robert Benchley –

A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.
– Helen Thomson –

By and large, people who enjoy teaching animals to roll over will find themselves happier with a dog.
– Barbara Holland –

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
– Author Unknown –

Dog – a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship.
– Ambrose Bierce –

Dogs remember faces, cats places.
– Author Unknown –

Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.
– Sian Ford –

Every boy who has a dog should also have a mother, so the dog can be fed regularly.
– Anonymous –

From the dog’s point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.
– Mabel Louise Robinson –

If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody elses dog around.
– Will Rogers –

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
– Phil Pastoret –

If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t either.
– Unknown –

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
– Dereke Bruce –

It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone.
– Sign at an Animal Hospital –

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
– Penny Ward Moser –

Know thyself. Don’t accept your dogs admiration as conclusive.
– Mayes –

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.
– Joe Weinstein –

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum…
— Elayne Boosler –

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.
– Christopher Morley –

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx –

Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
– Franklin P. Jones –

The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
– James Dent –

They say a reasonable amount o’ fleas is good fer a dog – keeps him from broodin’ over bein’ a dog, mebbe.
– Edward Noyes Westcott –

They say the dog is man’s best friend. I don’t believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered…
– Larry Reeb –

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.
– Sign at a Veterinary Hospital –

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
– Rita Rudner –

When did I look at a new puppy and see only puddles instead of something to love that would love me back?
– Erma Bombeck –

When picking a pet, keep in mind that to a dog, you’re family; to a cat, you’re staff.
– Ron Dentinger –

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
– Sign at a Veterinary Clinic –

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”
– Dave Barry –

You can teach an old dog new tricks with the right kind of doggie treats.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

Here’s why I will be a good person. Because I listen. I cannot talk, so I listen very well. I never deflect the course of the conversation with a comment of my own… For instance, if we met at a party and I wanted to tell you a story about the time I needed to get a soccer ball in my neighbor’s yard but his dog chased me and I had to jump into a swimming pool to escape, and I began telling the story, you, hearing the words “soccer” and “neighbor” in the same sentence, might interrupt and mention that your childhood neighbor was Pele, the famous soccer player, and I might be courteous and say, Didn’t he play for the Cosmos of New York? Did you grow up in New York? And you might reply that, no, you grew up in Brazil on the streets of Tres Coracoes with Pele, and I might say, I thought you were from Tennessee, and you might say not originally, and then go on to outline your genealogy at length. So my initial conversational gambit – that I had a funny story about being chased by my neighbor’s dog – would be totally lost, and only because you had to tell me all about Pele. Learn to listen! I beg of you. Pretend you are a dog like me and listen to other people rather than steal their stories.
― Enzo the Dog in ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ by Garth Stein –