Money, Shopping and Spending

Advertising is what makes you think you longed all your life for something you’ve never heard of before.
– Author Unknown —

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can buy happiness.
– Author Unknown –

As a businessman, he seems to have dedicated his life to the proposition that where selling to the public is concerned no idea is too stupid. (Referring to Bernard MacFadden)
– Bill Bryson –

At 20 I wanted to save the world. Now I’d be satisfied just to save part of my salary.
– H.G. Hutchison –

At a dinner party: I came from a well-to-do family. My mother was always saying, “Well, to do that, you’ll need more money.”
– Cathryn Baker Hopkins –

At the ATM they ask if you’d like to conduct your business in English or Spanish. I suggest you try Spanish, because your account balance will look much better in pesos.
– Tere Joyce –

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you’re making too much money.
– Robin Williams –

Dividends: A certain percent, per annum, perhaps.
– Evan Esar –

Don’t knock the rich. When did a poor person give you a job?
– Laurence J. Peter –

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
– Joseph E. Cossman –

Economic advance is not the same thing as human progress.
-John Clapham, A Concise Economic History of Britain, 1957 –

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
– Don Marquis –

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
– Robert Orben –

Every time we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
– Herbert Hoover –

Forget about being world famous, it’s hard enough just getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence.
– Doug Coupland –

He had decided that if he ever returned to his old job he would create a special level of hell, an enormous inescapable shop of attractive but useless and overpriced items that the damned would wander for eternity in the cold delusion that this was what they wanted. And then Nerys had taken him to IKEA and Clovenhoof realised the humans had once again beaten him to it.
– Heide Goody, Clovenhoof –

He should have been born a prince with lots of money instead of a pauper with a charge card.
– Author Unknown –

I didn’t want to be rich, I just wanted enough to get the couch reupholstered.
– Kate Mostel –

I want my children to have all the things I never could afford. Then I want to move in with them.
– Phyliss Diller –

Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive.
– William F. Buckley –

If it was easy to be wealthy, then more people would be.
– Author Unknown –

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
– Author Unknown –

If you want to see a shorter winter, borrow money that’s due in the spring.
– Author Unknown –

If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
– Author Unknown –

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
– Author Unknown –

If men liked shopping, they’d call it research.
-Cynthia Nelms –

If you’re going antique hunting, prepare yourself for some odd smells.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

I hate to shop. I consider it one of life’s necessary evils, like brussels sprouts and high-heeled shoes.
– Laurell K. Hamilton, Guilty Pleasures

I haven’t reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
– Ilie Nastase –

Investing should be more like watching paint dry or watching grass grow. If you want excitement, take $800 and go to Las Vegas.
– Paul Samuelson –

I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.
– Rita Rudner –

It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to 10. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
– M. Grundler –

It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.
– John Sinor –

It saddened me that sometimes shopping was far more perilous than dealing with zombies and vampires.
– Anton Strout, Dead Waters –

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
– Author Unknown –

I was not prepared for the incredible variety of products available in American grocery stores. While on my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk – you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice – you just add water, and you get orange juice and then I saw baby powder – I thought to myself, What a country!
– Yakov Smirnoff –

I’ve always believed the adage, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it,” but I never expected it to apply to postage stamps.
– Author Unknown –

I’ve got all the money I need, if I die by 4 o’clock.
– Henny Youngman –

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’
– Steven Wright –

Living on a budget is the same as living beyond your means except you have a record of it.
– Author Unknown –

…most guys have about 73 calories of shopping energy, and once these calories are gone, they’re gone for the day – if not the week – and can’t be regenerated simply by having an Orange Julius at the Food Fair.
– Douglas Coupland, Microserfs –

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
– Erma Bombeck –

My motto is ‘Veni, vidi, Visa’ – We came, we saw, we went shopping.
– Sally Poplin –

Never ask of money spent
Where the spender thinks it went.
Nobody was ever meant
To remember or invent
What he did with every cent.
– Robert Frost –

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
– H.L. Mencken –

Online shopping: because it’s frowned upon to be in a store with no bra, sweatpants and a glass of wine.
– Author Unknown –

Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.
– Author Unknown –

One reason a dollar won’t do as much as it once did is because people won’t do as much for a dollar as they once did.
– Author Unknown –

Overheard at Costco, as a boy pushed an over-flowing cart behind his mom: “Mom, we only brought the Jetta, you know!”
– Author Unknown –

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
– Joan Rivers –

Stores hire extra help for the holidays. This way, customers who don’t know what they want are helped by people who don’t know where it is!
– Author Unknown –

The grocery store is the great equalizer where mankind comes to grips with the facts of life like toilet tissue.
– Joseph Goldberg –

The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences – whoever has the gold makes the rules.
– Author Unknown –

The way to stop the financial joy riding is to arrest the chauffeur, not the automobile.
– Woodrow Wilson –

They call it take home pay because there is no other place you can afford to go with it.
– Author Unknown-

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?
– Princess Diana –

This planet has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
– Douglas Adams –

This violates a fundamental rule of happy living: Never let the people with all the money and the people with all the guns be the same people.
– P.J. O’Rourke –

… there was a time in my life, decades ago, when I was so full of energy that I was going to not only END WORLD HUNGER but also STOP WAR and ELIMINATE RACISM. Whereas today my life goals, to judge from the notes I leave myself, tend to be along the lines of BUY DETERGENT.
– Dave Barry –

They came, they saw, they did a little shopping.
– Anonymous graffiti on the Berlin wall after travel restrictions were lifted and thousands of East Berliners flooded into West Berlin, Newsweek, December 4, 1989 –

Too caustic? To hell with the cost – we’ll make the movie anyway.
– Samuel Goldwyn –

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
– Will Rogers –

Wal-mart… do they like, make walls there?
– Paris Hilton –

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
– Jose Batista, Burn, Baby, Burn! –

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.
– Doug Larson –

When I am an Old Man… I’ll start saying things like “It used to be that when you paid more than $5000 for something, it came with a basement!”
– Tony Dierckens, Tim Nyberg –


When I first started working, I used to dream of the day when I might be earning the salary I’m starving on now.
– Author Unknown –

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
– Gittel Hudnick –

Why waste your money looking up your family tree, just go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
– Mark Twain –

You don’t always get what you pay for, but you never get what you don’t pay for.
– Author Unknown –

You know you’ve spent too much money on your vacation when the balance in your bank account is lower than the number on your sunscreen.
– Author Unknown –

Babies and Children

The Quippery

A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
– Author Unknown –

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn’t act that way very often.
– Author Unknown –

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
– Erma Bombeck –

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good cat.
– Author Unknown –

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
– Erma Bombeck –

Although there are many trial marriages, there is no such thing as a trial child.
– G. Willis –

Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.
– Flannery O’Connor –

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.
– Robert Gallagher –

A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.
– Author Unknown –

As the father of two young girls, I have come to the realization that they are just as messy as boys but the dirt that they create around the house is comprised of at least 50% glitter.
-Andrew K. Keller –

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
– Fran Lebowitz –

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.
– Bill Vaughn –

Before I was married I had three theories about raising children. Now I have three children and no theories.
– John Wilmot –

Birdies with broken wings hide from each other.
Children in trouble run home to mother.
– Author Unknown –

Calvin: Dad, how do people make babies?
Dad: Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears??
Dad: No, you were a blue light special at K-Mart. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.
– Bill Watterson –

Calvin: Is this milk spoiled?
Mom: Smell it and see.
Calvin: I’m not going to smell it! You smell it!
Mom: Oh, for goodness sake, here…It’s fine.
Calvin: I don’t take chances with a product that prints the date you might expire.
– Bill Watterson –

Calvin: You step into this chamber, set the appropriate dials, and it turns you into whatever you’d like to be.
Hobbes: It’s amazing what they can do with corrugated cardboard these days.
– Bill Watterson –

Childhood is a place as well as a time.
– May Sarton –

Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath.
-Author Unknown –

Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
– Haim Ginott

Children are living messages we send to a time and place we will never see.
– Author Unnown –

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there’s always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.
– Marcelene Cox –

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up we’ve learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs…dust go to sleep,
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
– Author Unknown –

Customer to TV salesman: I don’t need remote control. With four kids, my chances of controlling it are already remote!
– Jon Cagle

Don’t argue for a later bedtime while you’re wearing pajamas with feet.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

Don’t say “The last one there is a rotten egg” unless you’re absolutely sure there’s a slow kid behind you.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
– Fran Lebowitz –

Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.
– Jerry Seinfeld –

Hobbes: Did you ask your mom if you could jump off the roof?
Calvin: Questions I know the answers to I don’t need to ask, right?
– Bill Watterson –

I am fond of children — except boys.
-Lewis Carroll –

I’d get pregnant if I could be assured I’d have puppies.
– Cynthia Nelms –

I don’t care what the world knows about me, I just hope my mother never finds out.
– Author Unknown –

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.
-Rachel Louise Carson –

If your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
– Bill Watterson –

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.
– Rhonda Dickenson –

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
– Abigail Van Buren –

If your parents didn’t have any children, there’s a good chance that you won’t have any.
– Clarence Day –

In each child we see ourselves for we are yesterday’s children.
– Author Unknown –

I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
– Fran Lebowitz –

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
– Robert Orben –

It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.
– John Sinor –

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is why it takes several million sperm cells, each one wriggling in its own direction, totally confident it knows where it is going, to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
– Dave Barry –

It took a genius to develop an aspirin bottle that couldn’t be opened by a child capable of operating a VCR.
– Author Unknown –

I was born by Caesarean section, but you can’t really tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.
– Stephen Wright –

I was browsing in a bookstore recently when I came across a book on child raising. It was a thin little volume of about fifteen or twenty pages that used the word “love” on every page and “reinforcement of self-esteem” on every other page. I leafed through it several times looking for the word that no parent should raise a child without: “No.” It wasn’t there. Mistake.
– Erma Bombeck –

I will have the children read Hamlet as soon as it is practical. There are some useful cautions against eavesdropping to be gleaned from that.
– Maryrose Wood, The Mysterious Howling –

Jonah’s adaptive niche in the family ecosystem was to be the perfect grandchild, eager to scramble up on laps, unafraid of bitter vegetables, under excited by television and computer games, and skilled at cheerfully answering questions like “Are you loving school?”
– Jonathan Franzen –

Kids? It’s like living with homeless people. They’re cute but they chase you around all day long going, “Can I have a dollar? I’m missing a shoe! I need a ride!”
– Kathleen Madigan –

Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
– Elizabeth Stone –

My mother taught me about Contortionism – “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
– Author Unknown –

My mother taught me religion – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
– Author Unknown –

Nothing seems to make children more affectionate than sticky hands.
– Author Unknown –

Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in mood, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement mixer long after one’s own interest in the topic has waned.
– Fran Lebowitz –

One of the great mysteries of life is how the idiot that your daughter married can be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the whole wide world.
– Author Unknown –

One of the things I’ve discovered in general about raising kids is that they really don’t give a damn if you walked five miles to school.
– Patty Duke –

Rearing three children is like growing a cactus, a gardenia, and a tubful of impatiens. Each needs varying amounts of water, sunlight and pruning. Were I to be absolutely fair, I would have to treat each child as if he or she were absolutely identical to the other siblings, and there would be no profit for anyone in that.
– Phyllis Grissim-Theroux –

The best revenge is to live long enough to be a problem to your children.
– Author Unknown –

The best thing about children’s birthday parties is that they prove there are children who behave worse than your own.
– Author Unknown –

The best way to raise one child is to have two.
– Marcelene Cox –

The child’s philosophy is the true one. He does not despise the bubble because it burst; and he immediately sets to work to blow another.
J.J. Procter

The glory of springtime is the same to all. But there are many different points of view. A child sees it best from the middle of a mud puddle.
– Pearl Swiggum –

The happiest families are those in which the children are properly spaced. About ten feet apart.
– Author Unknown –

The little girl had the making of a poet in her, who, being told to be sure of her meaning before she spoke, said, “How can I know what I think till I see what I say?”
– Graham Wallas –

The most effective birth control I know is a toddler with the croup and diaper rash.
– Kate Zannoni –

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
– David Richerby –

There are only two things a child will share willingly — communicable diseases and his mother’s age.
-Benjamin Spock –

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
– Monta Crane –

There she was in our little Hawaiian country library, same face, braces, braids, skinny sloping shoulders…Then I realized they’ve probably just run out of patterns for people now, and are beginning to repeat them over and over.
– Peg Bracken –

They say children brighten up the home. That’s right – they never turn off the lights.
– Author Unknown –

Thomas Wolfe wrote, “You can’t go home again.” You can, but you’ll get treated like an eight-year-old.
– Daryl Hogue –

We had a quicksand box in our backyard. I was an only child, eventually.
– Stephen Wright –

We’ll have children of the kingdom.
They won’t be torn by war,
nor will they
kill or hate
or hesitate to love.
– Seals and Croft –

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
– Erma Bombeck –

When I was a kid… no, wait, I still do that…
– Author Unknown –

When they handed her to me and I realized it was a girl, I thought, “I’ve never understood one of you in my whole life.” She’s got a lot of ‘splainin to do.”
– Sean Penn –

Years ago, a child in a tree with a small caliber rifle bushwacked a piano through the open summer windows of a neighbor’s living room.
– Thomas McGuane –

You can always tell a home with a five-year old in it. You have to wash the soap before you use it.
– Richard Celeste –

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
– Franklin P. Jones –

Dessert and Candy

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
– Author Unknown –

A bag of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. “You want to be careful with those,” Ron warned Harry. “When they say every flavor, they mean every flavor – you know, you get all the ordinary ones like chocolate and peppermint and marmalade, but then you can get spinach and liver and tripe. George reckons he had a booger-flavored one once.”
Ron picked up a green bean, looked at it carefully, and bit into a corner.
“Bleaaargh – see? Sprouts.”
– J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone –

After you’ve eaten all the raw cookie dough, you might as well turn off the oven.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
– Jim Fiebig –

A party without cake is just a meeting.
– Julia Child –

Cheese popcorn is not a dairy product.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

Dessert should close the meal gently and not in a pyrotechnic blaze of glory. No cultivated feeder, already well fed, thanks his host for confronting him with a dessert so elaborate that not to eat it is simply rude – like refusing to watch one’s host blow up Bloomingdale’s.
– Alan Koehler, ‘Madison Avenue Cook Book’ –

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
– Author Unknown –

Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec.
– J. Hart –

I doubt whether the world holds for anyone a more soul-stirring surprise than the first adventure with ice cream.
– Heywood Broun –

I prefer to regard a dessert as I would imagine the perfect woman: subtle, a little bittersweet, not blowsy and extrovert. Delicately made up, not highly rouged. Holding back, not exposing everything and, of course, with a flavor that lasts.
– Graham Kerr –

Life is like an 6-slice apple pie at a 12-guest dinner banquet. If you just sit back and wait for it to come to you, chances are, you’re going to miss dessert.
– Donald L. Hicks, Look into the stillness –

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
– Ernestine Ulmer –

Man at bakery: Inside me, there’s a thin person struggling to get out. But I can usually sedate him with four or five doughnuts.
– Author Unknown –

Mousse: How pudding describes itself on its résumé!
– Last Week Tonight with John Oliver –

One gloomy spring day my wife, who seldom bakes, asked our three year old daughter if she’d like to help her bake some cookies. Kaylah looked up at her mom in surprise and asked, “Is it Christmas again?”
– Jamey Gormley –

Out of love I made you a cake. Also out of milk, eggs, flour, sugar, and vanilla.
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They’re Over –

Question: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
Answer: A cookie sheet.
– Author Unknown –

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.
-Erma Bombeck –

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!
– Author Unknown –

These days, you never know what’s going to happen next. Ergo, eat your dessert first.
– Author Unknown –

Think what a better world it would be if we all had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap.
– Robert Fulghum –

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate the eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.
– Gracie Allen –

We dare not trust our wit for making our house pleasant to our friend, so we buy ice cream.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson –

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.
– Jim Davis –

You can say this for ready-mixes — the next generation isn’t going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.
– Earl Wilson –

You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.
– Ronald Reagan –


The Quippery

A Guide to Self Service Shoe Shopping: 1. If they hurt like hell they’re too small. 2. If they fall off they’re too big.
– Brantano Footwear –

Although a life-long fashion dropout, I have absorbed enough by reading Harper’s Bazaar while waiting at the dentist’s to have grasped that the purpose of fashion is to make A Statement. My own modest Statement, discerned by true cognoscenti, is, “Woman Who Wears Clothes So She Won’t Be Naked.”
– Molly Ivins –

Amazing. You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
– Cartoon Caption –

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
– Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary –

As long as you’re doing things for me, will you tie up your bathrobe when you walk around the house.
– Bart Simpson –

Based on the amount of laundry I do each week I’m going to assume there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.
– Author Unknown –

Classic Polo T-shirt made by Royal Classic Mills, India. Care Instructions: Wash care – use mild detergent – avoid beating and twisting – wash it in cold water – rinse thoroughly – iron on low temperature – dry in shade on reverse side.
– Author Unknown –

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
– Mark Twain –

Courage is no match for an unfriendly shoe.
– Roger Moore, as James Bond –

Do not shake out gym clothes as they trigger the smoke alarm. Process them immediately.
– Erma Bombeck –

Dressing up is inevitably a substitute for good ideas. It is no coincidence that technically inept business types are known as ‘suits’.
– Paul Graham –

Fashion is… whatever is clean that day.
– Author Unknown –

Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
– Author Unknown –

Gold’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
– Arthur Bloch –

Hand washables left over ten years will be sold.
– Erma Bombeck –

I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
– Gilda Radner –

I could run down Rodeo Drive in the nude and get a profile, but that’s not what Canadians expect, if only for humanitarian reasons.
– Kim Campbell – Consul General to California –

I don’t know about you but I don’t want clothes hugging my body. I like to leave some doubt about where my clothes end and my body begins.
– Andy Rooney –

If a bra is called an ‘Over the shoulder bolder holder,’ then would you call men’s underwear ‘Under the butt nut hut?’
– Author Unknown –

If God meant us to be naked he would have made our skin fit better.
– Maureen Murphy –

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
– Sue Grafton –

If someone asks what team you play for, your shoulder pads may be too big.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

If you think old soldiers just fade away, try getting into your old Army uniform.
– Bits & Pieces, February 3, 2994 –

It’s my least favorite season of the year, bathing-suit season. I don’t know why we can’t all be shaped like those eighteen-year-old boys they design those suits for.
– Diane Ford –

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
– Linda Ellerbee –

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, Including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
– Dave Barry –

Immortal words: Know thyself- Socrates
To thine own self be true – Shakespeare
Never wash whites with colors – Mom.
– Author Unknown –

I wasn’t really naked. I simply didn’t have any clothes on.
– Josephine Baker –

My swimsuit told me to go to the gym. But my sweatpants were like, Nah girl, you’re good.
– Author Unknown –

Naked and nude mean the same thing – except that naked sounds like a surprise, while nude suggests it was done on purpose.
– Beryl Pfizer –

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
– Fran Lebowitz –

Nobody notices it when your zipper is up, but everyone notices when it’s down.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

No-pocket jeans are only slightly less irritating than thong underwear.
– Patricia Briggs, River Marked –

Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine.
– Whoopi Goldberg –

One of my correspondents has me convinced that the human race would be saved if the world became one huge nudist colony. I keep thinking how much harder it would be to carry concealed weapons.
– Cyra McFadden –

See how long you can actually wear a pair of thong underwear.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
– Author Unknown –

Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
– Erma Bombeck –

“There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?'”
“The mood will pass, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters –

Two mysteries solved: Socks that disappear from the dryer come back as extra Tupperware lids.
– –

Very funny Scotty – now beam down my clothes.
– Author Unknown –

Watch a man fold clothes.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

Wear your underwear with the good waistband today.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

When I am an Old Man… I’ll wear black (or navy blue) socks with shorts. (This phenomenon also occurs among fathers of all ages – especially those with particularly white legs – who insist on accompanying their more easily embarrassed children to the beach.)
– Tony Dierckens, Tim Nyberg –

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
– Erma Bombeck –

With an evening coat and a white tie, anybody, even a stockbroker, can gain a reputation for being civilized.
– Oscar Wilde –

You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
– Dolly Parton –

Flower, Plant and Gardening

The Quippery

A garden is never so good as it will be next year.
– Thomas Cooper –

A lawn is nature under totalitarian rule.
– Michael Pollan –

A riot of variety within the rather formal plan; by August, the perennial beds look like blondes at the bar, spilling over their dresses.
– Nicole Eaton; Charles Oberdorf –

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
– Anais Nin –

As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
– Woody Allen –

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except learning how to grow in rows.
– Doug Larson –

Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.
– Henry Beard –

Confucius say, A man should not create a garden larger than his wife can maintain.
– Author Unknown –

Confucius say: If you want to be happy for an hour, get drunk. If you want to be happy for a year, get married. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, become a gardener.
– Author Unknown –

Consider the many special delights a lawn affords: soft mattress for a creeping baby; worm hatchery for a robin; croquet or badminton court; baseball diamond; restful green perspectives leading the eye to a background of flower beds, shrubs, or hedge; green shadows – “This lawn, a carpet all alive/With shadows flung from leaves’ – as changing and as spellbinding as the waves of the sea, whether flecked with sunlight under trees of light foliage, like elm and locust, or deep, dark, solid shade, moving slowly as the tide, under maple and oak. This carpet!
– Katharine S. White, Onward and Upward in the Garden, 1979 –

Daffy-down-dilly is come to town,
In her yellow petticoat and green gown.
– Edith Holden –

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.
― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril –

Don’t be envious if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It’s also harder to cut.
– Bits & Pieces, Feb 1994 –

Essential advice for the gardener: grow peas of mind, lettuce be thankful, squash selfishness, turnip to help thy neighbor, and always make thyme for loved ones.
– Author Unknown –

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.
– Bill Meyer –

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from the corn field.
– Dwight D. Eisenhower –

Gardeners learn by trowel and error.
– Author Unknown –

Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it.
– Author Unknown –

Gardens are not made
By singing, “Oh how beautiful!”
and sitting in the shade.
– Rudyard Kipling –

Gardens are a form of autobiography.
– Sydney Eddison –

Has any gardening couple ever owned enough wheelbarrows? I’d love to know. And if they have, what is the number?
– Mirabel Osler –

I appreciate the misunderstanding I have had with Nature over my perennial  border. I think it is a flower garden; she thinks it is a meadow lacking grass, and tries to correct the error.
– Sara Stein, My Weeds –

I came from the earth, I’ll return to the earth and in between I’ll garden.
– Author Unknown –

If summer weekends are for rest and relaxation, how come they invented all that lawn-care equipment?
– Author Unknown –

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
– Doug Larson –

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.
– Alice Walker –

If you look closely at a tree you’ll notice it’s knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully.
– Matthew Fox –

If you plant a tree, don’t keep pulling it up by the roots to see how it’s growing.
– Author Unknown –

If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging.
– Alan Bennett –

I like the me who talks to trees to let them know how well they are doing and how good they are looking. I like the me who wakes up in the morning feeling joyful that there is so much to do instead of burdened because there is so much to do.
– John Robert McFarland –

In old age, and having been sprained by the weight of snow over the decades, the hedges now wobble along, imperfect, but full of vegetable dignity…
– Description of Walmer Castle Hedges, Heritage Magazine Issue 48 –

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
– Eleanor Roosevelt –

I suppose that for most people one of the darker joys of gardening is that once you’ve got started it’s not at all hard to find someone who knows a little bit less than you.
– Allen Lacy –

I should like to enjoy this summer flower by flower,
as if it were to be the last one for me.
– Andre Gide –

I wander’d lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
– William Wordsworth –

I want it said of me by those who knew me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.
– Abraham Lincoln –

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.
– Hal Borland –

Most people don’t see the sun, soil, bugs, seeds, plants, moon, water, clouds, and wind the way gardeners do.
– Jamie Jobb –

Old gardeners never die, they just go to seed.
– Author Unknown –

Our England is a garden, and such gardens are not made
By singing: “Oh, how beautiful!” and sitting in the shade,
While better men than we go out and start their working lives
At grubbing weeds from gravel paths with broken dinner-knives.
– Rudyard Kipling –

People are like your little plants, they’re always partial to the soil they were first grown in.
– Greg MacPherson –

Roses are red,
Violets are blue;
But they don’t get around
Like the dandelions do.
– Slim Acres –

Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are.
– Alfred Austin –

so much depends upon
a red wheel barrow
glazed with rain water
beside the white chickens.
– William Carlos Williams –

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
– Bill Vaughn –

Sunflower, good mornin’, you sure do make it like a sunny day.
– Niel Diamond –

The ability of dandelions to tell the time is somewhat exaggerated, owing to the fact that there is always one seed that refuses to be blown off; the time usually turns out to be 37 o’clock.
– Miles Kington –

The guy who wrote “A job well done never needs doing again” has never weeded a garden.
– Author Unknown –

The lemon tree in the yard continues to blossom and bear fruit. I wonder if it’s a perennial, or if like me, it’s simply unable to differentiate between seasons.
– Robert Majamaa –

Then the zucchini started to arrive; first those lovely little delicacies, then the hefty meal-in-a-zucchini – the ones that can be stacked like cordwood or shipped off to the Guiness Book of World Records. At this point the neighbors finally realized that things were getting out of control. They had planted a 25 foot row.
– Harrowsmith #14, 1989 –

The pine stays green in winter… wisdom in hardship.
– Norman Douglas –

There are not too many fables about man’s misuse of sunflower seeds.
― Richard Brautigan, The Tokyo-Montana Express –

There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace.
– Aldo Leopold –

Was it a year of lives ago
We took the grasses in our hands
And caught the summer flying low
Over the waving meadow lands,
And held it there between our hands?
– Bliss Carman –

Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.
– A. A. Milne –

While we’re looking into the causes of prejudice, let’s find out what bulldozers have against trees.
– Lane Olinghouse –

With fronds like you, who needs anemones.
– Author Unknown –

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Oh no, it’s always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.
– Dorothy Parker –

Internet and Computer

Blogging and Word Processing

Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
– Author Unknown –

Blogs seem to have two magnetic poles, one attracting friends, the other repulsing relatives.
– Robert Brault –

Eye halve a spelling checker,
It came with my Pea Sea,
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye dew knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh
My checker tolled me sew…
– Author Unknown, An Oed Two The Spelling Checker –

I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
– Scott Adams –

Please don’t use Comic Sans – we are a Fortune 500 Company, not a Lemonade Stand.
– Note on an Office door –

The thing about quotes on the internet is you cannot confirm their validity.
– Abraham Lincoln –

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards
could produce the complete works of Shakespeare;
now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
– Robert Wilensky –

Computers and Programs

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
– Mitch Ratcliffe –

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.
– Joseph Weizenbaum –

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
– Author Unknown –

– Author Unknown –

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
-Author Unknown –

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
– Joseph Campbell –

Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
– P. J. O’Rourke –

Dear Adobe: my ‘Holy Shit, Leave me Alone’ is ready to install.
– SnarkEcards –

Don’t get annoyed by parents asking you ‘stupid’ tech advice you think they should know. These are the people who taught you how to use a toilet. Just help them.
– Author Unknown –

Had there been a computer in 1872, it would probably have predicted that by now there would be so many horse-drawn vehicles it would be almost impossible to clear up all the manure.
– Professor K. William Kapp –

Hi, I’m a Mac and I’m a PC and since all you do is look at LOLCATS and Facebook, we’re functionally identical.
– Author Unknown –

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
– Doug Larson –

I’d like the window that says “Are you sure you want to do this? OK/Cancel” to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life.
– @AaronFullerton –

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashes… oh, wait a minute, he already does.
– Author Unknown –

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.
– Author Unknown –

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.
– Scott Adams –

If you’re looking for a really challenging pastime, you could tackle one of the classics, like competing in a triathlon, reading James Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake, or learning quantum mechanics. Or, if those don’t seem tricky enough, try your hand at picking the right paper for your printer.
– Dave Johnson –

It isn’t easy being the parent of a six year old today. However, it’s a small price to pay to have someone around the house who understands computers.
– S.D. Sisseton –

It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow.
– Craig Bruce –

Life was so much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
– Author Unknown –

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
– Andy Rooney –

Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1.
– Author Unknown –

My computer could be more encouraging. You know, instead of “invalid password”, why not something like, “Ooooh, you’re so close!”?
– Lisa Porter –

My mom actually believes I’m dating a girl named Siri.
– Kelkulus @Kelkulus –

My PC wasn’t Plug-n-Play.
It was Plug-n-Get Mad.
– Author Unknown –

Now-a-days 12 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, and a Facebook profile. When I was 12, I felt cool with my New Gel Pen.
– Author Unknown –

Our society will never go entirely paperless. There’s always the bathroom.
– Author Unknown –

Perfect documents will develop errors on their way to the printer.
– Russel and Crawford, Murphy’s Laws of Windows –

There is no such thing as a perfect computer, because there is no such thing as a perfect user…
– Author Unknown –

TWAIN – Tool Without An Interesting Name
– Author Unknown –

Weinberg’s Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
– Author Unknown –

When you introduce a new technology, you change your culture. When you bought the computer or video or microwave, did you think about how it would change the culture of your family?
– David Wilcox –

Who is General Protection Fault and why is he reading my disk?
– Author Unknown –

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
– Margaret Segall, 1998 –

You know computers are getting too sophisticated when the message says, “Go home, I can finish this without you.”
– Author Unknown –


Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly.
– Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men –

Email… encourages people who have nothing to say, to say it to everyone.
– Elaine St. James –

“Email is the scourge of our age,” said Silvia. “Email and cancer.”
– Olivia Sudjic, Sympathy –

For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you’d be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.
– Judith Martin –

It’s quicker, easier, and involves less licking.
– Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt –

Ropes… Check.
Crampons… Check.
Harness… Ice axe… Check. Check.
Okay Eugene. Let’s tackle that inbox. The south face today?
Sounds good. I got your back.
The “We’ve got way too much data to deal with” era is over.
– Microsoft Corporation, 2005 –


Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
– Mitch Kapor –

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
– Andy Borowitz –

It’s called ‘The Web’ because once you’re in it, you are stuck.
– Terry Hall –

I could walk over to Q-Tel and pick up the bits faster!
– The Car Guy, comment on Internet Email downloads in Qatar –

If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a “fix” of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
– Rob Stampfli –

If people had to spell something correctly before being allowed to criticize it, the internet would be a much more peaceful place.
– SnarkECards –

I’ve invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends with the entire world and defriend people one by one.
– Andy Borowitz –

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.
– @SCbchbum –

No, we do not have Wi-Fi. Talk to each other!
– Sign at a Cafe –

On Twitter we get excited if someone follows us. In real life we get really scared and run away.
– Author Unknown –

The cat sitting at the keyboard of the computer explains to the cat watching: “So far I’ve discovered I was in a litter of eight and my mother’s name was Fluffy!”
– Author Unknown –

The greatest thing about the internet is that you can quote something and just totally make up the source.
– Benjamin Franklin –

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
– Dave Barry –

What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a “modem” can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo.
– Dave Barry –

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
– Dave Barry –

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings.
– Dave Barry –

You can’t take something off the Internet — it’s like taking pee out of a pool.
– Author Unknown, 1995 –


I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.
– –

I’d like to be a kid again but only because naps were insisted, twirling in circles was acceptable, and the only password I had to remember was open sesame.
– Adar Burks –

My little sisters password for the Disney website is ‘MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto’ I asked her why…she said ‘They told me to use 4 characters.’
– Unknown –

Please stop asking me to change my password. I’m getting tired of renaming my dog all the time.
– Unknown –

Reward: For today’s WiFi password, empty the dishwasher, fold laundry, vacuum downstairs, take out trash.
– Author Unknown –

Rural America: Where nobody locks their front door but everybody makes sure their wireless network is password protected, apparently.
– Author Unknown –

When 32 million passwords were exposed in a breach last year, almost 1% of victims were using “123456.” The next most popular password was “12345.” Other common choices are “111111,” “princess,” “qwerty,” and “abc123.”
– McAfee – 125 Tips to Better Passwords-


You have just received the “Novice Hacker Virus”. As we ain’t got no programming experience, this virus works on the honour system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thanks for your cooperation.
– Author Unknown –

Insects and Other Invertebrates


The Quippery

Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight. Which is useful information if you’re moving out and you need help getting a potato chip across town.
– Ron Darian –

Here are a few things to keep in mind the next time ants show up in the potato salad. The 8,800 known species of the family Formicidae make up from 10% to 15% of the world’s animal biomass, the total weight of all fauna. They are the most dominant social insect in the world, found almost everywhere except in the polar regions. Ants turn more soil than earthworms; they prune, weed and police most of the earth’s carrion. Among the most gregarious of creatures, they are equipped with a sophisticated chemical communications system. To appreciate the strength and speed of this pesky invertebrate, consider that a leaf cutter the size of a man could run repeated four-minute miles while carrying 750 lbs. of potato salad.
– R.Z. Sheppard –

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
– Bill Vaughan –


Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.
– Mary Kay Ash –

Bees shouldn’t be so nice and fuzzy.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.
– William H. Walton –

Butterfly, Caterpillar

Even if you make a really nice place for it to live, with grass and dirt and a few rocks and sticks, the caterpillar will still spend all its time trying to get out of the jar.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake – as almost all hats are.
– Nikolaus Laszlo, Nora Ephron, and Delia Ephron, You’ve Got Mail –

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.
– Richard Buckminster Fuller –

True you’re a butterfly now, but you still think like a caterpillar.
– Shaun Murphy and Layton Fisher –


How brave a ladybug must be!
Each drop of rain is big as she.
Can you imagine what you’d do,
If raindrops fell as big as you?
– Aileen Fisher –

Ladybugs all dressed in red
Strolling through the flowerbed.
If I were tiny just like you
I’d creep among the flowers too!
– Maria Fleming

The Ladybug wears no disguises.
She is just what she advertises.
A speckled spectacle of spring,
A fashion statement on the wing….
A miniature orange kite.
A tiny dot-to-dot delight.
– Patrick Lewis, “The Little Buggers” –

The ladybug’s a beetle.
It’s shaped like a pea.
Its color is a bright red
With lots of spots to see.
Although the name is ladybug
Some ladybugs are men.
So why don’t we say “gentleman bug”
Every now and then?
– Author Unknown –


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
– Betty Reese –

If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
– Author Unknown –

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up the food chain as we think.
– Tom Wilson –

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
– Andy Warhol –

We’ve all known intimidation – one mosquito in a dark bedroom.
– Chan Harris –

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
– Author Unknown –


After the planet becomes theirs, many millions of years will have to pass before a beetle particularly loved by God, at the end of its calculations will find written on a sheet of paper in letters of fire that energy is equal to the mass multiplied by the square of the velocity of light. The new kings of the world will live tranquilly for a long time, confining themselves to devouring each other and being parasites among each other on a cottage industry scale.
– Primo Levi –

God in His wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.
– Ogden Nash, “The Fly” –

Great fleas have little fleas
upon their backs to bite ’em
and little fleas have lesser fleas
and so ad infinitum.”
– DeMorgan, Budget of Paradoxes –

House, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe. – Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary –

Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either.
– Woody Allen –

Some primal termite knocked on wood;
and tasted it, and found it good.
That is why your Cousin May
fell through the parlor floor today.
– Ogden Nash –

The Amazon rain forest has 2.5 million species of insects. That’s more bugs than iOS 7.
– Internet meme, c.2013 –

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.
– Mark Twain, letter to George Bainton, 1888 –

The mortal enemies of man are not his fellows of another continent or race; they are the aspects of the physical world which limit or challenge his control, the disease germs that attack him and his domesticated plants and animals, and the insects that carry many of these germs as well as working notable direct injury. This is not the age of man, however great his superiority in size and intelligence; it is literally the age of insects.
— Warder Clyde Allee –

Though snails are exceedingly slow,
There is one thing I’d like to know.
If I out run ’em round the yard,
How come they beat me to the chard?
– Allen Klein –

To see every day how people get the name “genius” just as the wood-lice in the cellar the name “millipede”—not because they have that many feet, but because most people don’t want to count to 14—this has had the result that I don’t believe anyone any more without checking.
— Georg Christoph Lichtenberg –

Two-legged creatures we are supposed to love as we love ourselves. The four-legged, also, can come to seem pretty important. But six legs are too many from the human standpoint.
– Joseph W. Krutch –


The difference between utility and utility plus beauty is the difference between telephone wires and the spider web.
– Edwin Way Teal –

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
– Author Unknown –

Under our floor,
Spider families.
Two worlds – an inch apart.
– Mike Garofalo, Cuttings –


Bait – Live Worms – Guaranteed to catch fish or die trying.
– Author Unknown –

I wish I were a glow worm,
A glow worm’s never glum.
‘Cuz how can you be grumpy
When the sun shines out your bum?
– Author Unknown –