Weight and Diet

The Quippery

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
– Alexander Woodcott –

Amazing. You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
– Author Unknown –

Ewes not fat, ewes fluffy.
– Author Unknown –

I am in shape. Round is a shape.
– Author Unknown –

I asked the clothing store clerk if she had anything to make me look thinner, and she said, “How about a week in Bangladesh?”
– Roseanne Barr –

I figured out Victoria’s secret. Starvation and liposuction.
– Mel Fine –

If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.
– Elmer Rice –

I hate 4 letter words… diet – dust – cook – wash – iron.
– Author Unknown –

I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
– Author Unknown –

I’m fat, but I’m thin inside. Has it ever struck you that there’s a thin man inside every fat man, just as they say there’s a statue inside every block of stone.
– George Orwell –

I’m not fat! Just a little hippoglycemic.
– Author Unknown –

I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short.
– Shelley Winters –

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
– Author Unknown –

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.
– Ellen DeGeneres –

Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.
I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls.
– J.K. Rowling –

I put on the fat suit and went outside and walked around. I was really nervous about being found out, but nobody would even make eye contact with me. It really upset me.
We feel it’s unacceptable to be fat, when it has nothing to do with who the person actually is.
– Gwyneth Paltrow –

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
– Erma Bombeck –

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days.
– Totie Fields –

My body knows what I shouldn’t eat – but usually doesn’t tell me until after I’ve eaten it.
– Ashleigh Brilliant –

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.
– Dan Bennett –

Reality is the woman who got out of your bed this morning and recognized that the figure in the mirror may never be rated a perfect 10 or even a size 10.
– Jan Larkey –

Self-delusion is pulling in your stomach when you step on the scales.
– Paul Sweeney –

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat.
– Author Unknown –

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books — how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.
– Andy Rooney –

The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down into the mezzanine floor.
– P.G. Wodehouse –

This morning, in 1976, Stephanie (Fats) Stumflug found she had granolaed herself right out of her caftan. Couldn’t pry it on with a shoehorn. The trouble – she explained to anyone who would listen – was that the side of the granola box said only 125 calories per ounce, but the pretty picture showed a generous bowlful… actually about 5 ounces, if she’d ever weighed a generous bowlful, but she never did. “I might have known,” she said bitterly. “You can’t trust anything that tastes good.”
– Peg Bracken –

Time, obviously, is relative. Two weeks on a vacation is not the same as two weeks on a diet.
– Author Unknown –

Unnecessary dieting is because everything from television to fashion ads has made it seem wicked to cast a shadow. This wild emaciated look appeals to some women, though not to many men, who are seldom seen pinning up a Vogue illustration in a machine shop.
– Peg Bracken –


The Quippery

Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
– Author Unknown –

(President ) Bill Clinton’s foreign policy experience stems mainly from having breakfast at the International House of Pancakes.
– Pat Buchanan –

Breakfast cereals that come in the same colors as polyester leisure suits make oversleeping a virtue.
– Fran Lebowitz –

If it’s not chocolate, it’s not breakfast.
– Laini Taylor –

If you want breakfast in bed tomorrow, sleep in the kitchen tonight.
– Author Unknown –

I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?
– Jeff Lindsay, Dearly Devoted Dexter –

I like to use ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
– Demetri Martin –

In Wilson’s scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality.
– Robert A. Heinlein, By His Bootstraps –

I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don’t require so much cooking.
– Carrie Snow –

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
– Steven Wright –

I’ve been finding things in the forest,” said Tigger importantly. “I’ve found a pooh and a piglet and an eeyore, but I can’t find any breakfast.
– A.A. Milne –

Men are very strange. When they wake up in the morning they want things like toast. I don’t have these recipes.
– Elayne Boosler –

Norman Carter revealed that he had perfected a method of cooking pancakes on the bottom of an iron. “Steam irons are no good,” he explained. “The batter gets into the little holes.”
– Author Unknown –

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
– Robert Orben –

The critical period in matrimony is breakfast time.
– A.P. Herbert –

The difference between involvement and commitment is like a ham and eggs breakfast. The chicken was involved – the pig committed.
– Author Unknown –

There are some days where I forget to eat the entire day, and then there are days where I have first breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, third breakfast, tea, dinner, soupsies, supper, night lunch, midnight snack and one-in-the-morning snack.
– Author Unknown –

There’s something about getting up at 5 a.m., feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a lifelong respect for the price of butter and eggs.
– Bill Vaughan –

What is my loftiest ambition? I’ve always wanted to throw an egg into an electric fan.
– Oliver Herford –

When I was younger I made it a rule never to take strong drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.
– Winston Churchill –

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what’s the first thing you say to yourself?”
“What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?”
“I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
“It’s the same thing,” he said.
– A.A. Milne –

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
– Lewis Carroll –

Weather and Seasons

The Quippery

A country church – the only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
– Author Unknown –

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
– Carl Reiner –

American: We get an awful lot of cold waves from Canada. Can’t we weatherstrip the border?
– Author Unknown –

Antisthenes says that in a certain faraway land the cold is so intense that words freeze as soon as they are uttered, and after some time then thaw and become audible, so that words spoken in winter go unheard until the next summer.
– Plutarch, Moralia –

A thin grey fog hung over the city, and the streets were very cold; for summer was in England.
– Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed –

Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.
– Doug Larson –

Autumn — wheezy, sneezy, freezy.
Winter — slippy, drippy, nippy.
Spring — showery, flowery, bowery.
Summer — hoppy, croppy, poppy.
– John Brady, Clavis Calendaria –

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
– Tom Lehrer –

Boy I love summer vacation. I can feel my brain beginning to atrophy already.
– Bill Watterson –

Bus stop, wet day, she’s there, I say, Please share my umbrella.
– The Hollies –

Canadian Seasons have been described as: Six months of winter, and six months of poor sledding. These can be broken down into: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction season. To be more specific, the four seasons are: June, July, August and Winter.
– Author Unknown –

Don’t knock the weather; nine tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.
– Ken Hubbard –

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
– Don Marquis –

Frosty days and ice-still nights,
Fir trees trimmed with tiny lights,
– Jo Geis, Christmas Long Ago –

I believe that in India “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
– Mark Twain –

I doubt if I can explain the psychic lift of that first distant honk in the spring, when the passage of the geese seems roughly akin to the arrival of the cavalry just as the Indians are foreclosing on the wagon train.
– John Jerome –

If I were running the world I would have it rain only between 2 and 5 A.M. Anyone who was out then ought to get wet.
– William Lyon Phelps –

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
– Author Unknown –

It’s my least favorite season of the year, bathing-suit season. I don’t know why we can’t all be shaped like those eighteen-year-old boys they design those suits for.
– Diane Ford –

It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life.
– P.D. James, A Taste for Death –

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.
– Charles Dickens –

If summer weekends are for rest and relaxation, how come they invented all that lawn-care equipment?
– Author Unknown –

If the Weather Stone is wet – it is raining.
If the Weather Stone has a shadow – it is sunny.
If the Weather Stone is moving – it is windy.
If the Weather Stone has white stuff on top – it is snowing.
If the Weather Stone is hard to see – it is foggy.
If the Weather Stone is gone – it was either a tornado or a flood.

I wield the flail of the lashing hail,
And whiten the green plains under,
And then again I dissolve it in rain,
And laugh as I pass in thunder.
– Percy Bysshe Shelley,The Cloud –

Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
– Susan Ertz –

New snow lays down a clean sheet of paper, and the wildlife – the above-snow creatures, anyway – write on it.
– John Jerome –

Oh, it’s forty below in the winter
And it’s twenty below in the fall
And it rises to zero in springtime
And we don’t get no summer at all.
– Author Unknown –

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
– Lyricist Sammy Cahn, composer Jule Styne – 1945 –

Partly cloudy forecast – Half-a-nice day.
Lawn sprinkler – A dew it yourself system.
– Norm Dvoskin –

Snowflakes are one of nature’s most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together.
– Author Unknown –

Snowy, Flowy, Blowy,
Showery, Flowery, Bowery,
Hoppy, Croppy, Droppy,
Breezy, Sneezy, Freezy.
– George Ellis, The Twelve Months –

so much depends upon
a red wheel barrow
glazed with rain water
beside the white chickens.
– William Carlos Williams –

Storms come, and are so personal, they seem to know your address and have the key to your house.
– Reverend Jesse Jackson –

Summers always fly – winters walk.
– Charles M. Schulz –

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
– Ruskin –

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of a world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found?
– J.B. Priestley –

The glory of springtime is the same to all. But there are many different points of view. A child sees it best from the middle of a mud puddle.
– Pearl Swiggum –

The leaves fall, the wind blows, and the farm country slowly changes from the summer cottons into its winter wools.
– Henry Beston –

The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.
– Dave Barry –

The principal function of March is to use up the winter weather that wouldn’t fit into February.
– Doug Larson –

The reason lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn’t there the second time.
– Willie Tyler –

The latest authority among men of science says that little is known of the causes which balance the clouds in the air. They are formed of water, and water, however minutely divided or blown into bubbles, is always heavier than the air. And yet these flying fountains of all the rivers of earth, these armed and thundering legions of the storm, that beat down the forests with hail and bury the mountains in snow, and flood the plains with water, go floating over us at vast heights with all their mighty magazines when all our philosophy would require them to sink to the earth.
– Daniel March, “The Balancings of the Clouds,” Our Father’s House, or the Unwritten Word, 1869 –

The size of the flakes made them fall slowly, softly, no damage done, the world getting its moisture via a pile of feathers.
– John Jerome –

The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.
– Patrick Young –

There are seasons in life. Don’t ever let anyone try to deny you the joy of one season because they believe you should stay in another season… Listen to yourself. Trust your instincts. Keep your perspective.
– Jane Clayson –

There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds.
– G.K. Chesterton –

There are two seasonal diversions that can ease the bite of any winter.  One is the January thaw.  The other is the seed catalogues.
– Hal Borland –

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.
– George Carlin –

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
– Texas Bix Bender –

Until I came to Canada I never knew ‘snow’ was a four letter word.
-Alberto Manguel-

When Paul Bunyan’s loggers roofed an Oregon bunkhouse with shakes, fog was so thick that they shingled forty feet into space before discovering they had passed the last rafter.
– Oregon: End of the Trail, “Tall Tales and Legends” –

Winter is that discouraging time of the year when the house uses more fuel than the car.
– Doug Larson –

Winter brings with it an array of recreational opportunities, such as cross country skiing, skating, or, my favourite, video rental.
– Mike O’Brien (Calling the Prairies Home) –

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
– Author Unknown –

Who, in the rainbow, can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors, but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity.
– Herman Melville –



Above all, I craved to seize the whole essence, in the confines of one single photograph, of some situation that was in the process of unrolling itself before my eyes.
– Henri Cartier-Bresson –

Actually, I’m not all that interested in the subject of photography. Once the picture is in the box, I’m not all that interested in what happens next. Hunters, after all, aren’t cooks.
– Henri Cartier-Bresson –

Buying a Nikon doesn’t make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner.
– Author Unknown –

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
– Author Unknown –

Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.
– Usman B. Asif –

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
– Author Unknown –

If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn’t need to lug around a camera.
– Lewis Hine –

If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event… what kind of film would you use?
– Author Unknown –

I gaze at the sunset with the woman I love and think F8 At 1/250.
– Canon Cameras-

I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.
– Author Unknown –

I’ve taken up photography because it’s the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail.
– Aunty Acid –

No picture has a single meaning.
– Simon Watney –

Photography is a tough life: you can be taken, framed, exposed, shot, captured, and hung all in the same day.
– Author Unknown –

There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
– Abraham Lincoln –

Shoot the kids. Hang the family. Frame the wife.
– Sign in a Photography Framing Shop –

There is 3 key things for good photography: the camera, lighting and… photoshop.
– Tyra Banks –

The quickest way to make money at photography is to sell your camera.
– Author Unknown –

To consult the rules of composition before making a picture is a little like consulting the law of gravitation before going for a walk.
– Edward Weston –

When I Was Your Age: It took a week to learn whether your photos came out okay.
– Neil deGrasse Tyson, 2014 –

You find a lot of junk when you’re searching through lost and tossed photo ephemera, but every so often you’ll find a gem, a wallet-sized masterpiece you’re certain could hang on the wall of a gallery if only someone with a name had taken it. Find one or two of those and you’re hooked for life.
– Ransom Riggs –

You will regret that cell-phone self-portrait in the bathroom mirror one day.
– Unknown Author –

When you snap a picture of another person, two fundamental rights often come into play: the right of the photographer to free expression and the right of the subject to privacy (the right to be left alone).
– Lien Verbauwhede, 2006 –



A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
But I’m damned if I see how the helican.
– Dixon Lanier Merritt –

Bluebirds have taught me a few things. First, the more you think you know, the more you have to learn. Second, never say never because they will fool you every time! Third, they have taught me to stop sweating details in my life and learn to enjoy the simple things. There are things far greater than ourselves out there, going on unnoticed right before our eyes.
– Malinda Matsuko, Bluebirder, 2005 –

Despite their having one wing trimmed, some ravens do in fact go absent without leave and others have had to be sacked. Raven George was dismissed for eating television aerials, and Raven Grog was last seen outside an East End pub.
– The Ravens, Tower of London –

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
– Jason Hutchison or John Benfield –

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird’s intellectual energies and emotional character, so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an “author,” there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl’s thought and feeling. The difference in geese, as discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable: many are found to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be very great geese indeed.
– Ambrose Bierce –

If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?
– Will Rogers –

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
– Franklin D. Roosevelt –

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
– Steven Wright –

Owl took Christopher Robin’s notice from Rabbit and looked at it nervously. He could spell his own name WOL, and he could spell Tuesday so that you knew it wasn’t Wednesday, and he could read quite comfortably when you weren’t looking over his shoulder and saying “Well?” all the time…
– The House at Pooh Corner, A.A. Milne –

People who say that an anorexic “eats like a bird” have clearly had no experience with bluejays.
– David J. Beard (1947–2016) –

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance.
– John Ruskin –

Robins have an extremely high rate of nest fidelity. I know “nest fidelity” sounds like an investment group, but it actually means that robins regularly return to the same breeding site each season.
– Bird Watcher’s General Store –

Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
– Author Unknown –

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
– Author Unknown –

So, little snowbird, take me with you when you go.
To that land of gentle breezes where the peaceful waters flow
-Gene MacClellan, “Snowbird,” sung by Anne Murray –

That reminds me, a salt-water crocodile, a great white shark and a Canada Goose walk into a bar…
-Author Unknown –

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression
– Gary Larson –

You’ll have a lot more respect for a bird after you try making a nest.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
– Jack Handey, Deeper Thoughts: All New, All Crispy –


dog The Quippery

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
– Robert Benchley –

A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.
– Helen Thomson –

By and large, people who enjoy teaching animals to roll over will find themselves happier with a dog.
– Barbara Holland –

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
– Author Unknown –

Dog – a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship.
– Ambrose Bierce –

Dogs remember faces, cats places.
– Author Unknown –

Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.
– Sian Ford –

Every boy who has a dog should also have a mother, so the dog can be fed regularly.
– Anonymous –

From the dog’s point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.
– Mabel Louise Robinson –

If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody elses dog around.
– Will Rogers –

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
– Phil Pastoret –

If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t either.
– Unknown –

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
– Dereke Bruce –

It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone.
– Sign at an Animal Hospital –

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
– Penny Ward Moser –

Know thyself. Don’t accept your dogs admiration as conclusive.
– Mayes –

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.
– Joe Weinstein –

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum…
— Elayne Boosler –

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.
– Christopher Morley –

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx –

Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
– Franklin P. Jones –

The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
– James Dent –

They say a reasonable amount o’ fleas is good fer a dog – keeps him from broodin’ over bein’ a dog, mebbe.
– Edward Noyes Westcott –

They say the dog is man’s best friend. I don’t believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered…
– Larry Reeb –

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.
– Sign at a Veterinary Hospital –

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
– Rita Rudner –

When did I look at a new puppy and see only puddles instead of something to love that would love me back?
– Erma Bombeck –

When picking a pet, keep in mind that to a dog, you’re family; to a cat, you’re staff.
– Ron Dentinger –

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
– Sign at a Veterinary Clinic –

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”
– Dave Barry –

You can teach an old dog new tricks with the right kind of doggie treats.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

Here’s why I will be a good person. Because I listen. I cannot talk, so I listen very well. I never deflect the course of the conversation with a comment of my own… For instance, if we met at a party and I wanted to tell you a story about the time I needed to get a soccer ball in my neighbor’s yard but his dog chased me and I had to jump into a swimming pool to escape, and I began telling the story, you, hearing the words “soccer” and “neighbor” in the same sentence, might interrupt and mention that your childhood neighbor was Pele, the famous soccer player, and I might be courteous and say, Didn’t he play for the Cosmos of New York? Did you grow up in New York? And you might reply that, no, you grew up in Brazil on the streets of Tres Coracoes with Pele, and I might say, I thought you were from Tennessee, and you might say not originally, and then go on to outline your genealogy at length. So my initial conversational gambit – that I had a funny story about being chased by my neighbor’s dog – would be totally lost, and only because you had to tell me all about Pele. Learn to listen! I beg of you. Pretend you are a dog like me and listen to other people rather than steal their stories.
― Enzo the Dog in ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ by Garth Stein –


14-friend-chocolate The Quippery

After about 20 years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.
– Mel Gibson –

Among life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of chocolate can make a person gain five pounds.
– Unknown –

As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.
– Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consuming Passion –

Because I am an awesome parent, I’m currently helping my kids search for their chocolate that I ate last night.
– Author Unknown –

Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of course, the same can be said of dirt.
– Sandra Boynton –

Chocolate: Here today …. Gone today!
– Unknown –

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight.
– Jason Love –

Dip it in chocolate; it’ll be fine.
– Unknown –

For me, it’s always easy to choose between the ultimate, the infinite and the chocolate.
– Ashleigh Brilliant –

I could give up chocolate but I’m not a quitter.
– Unknown –

If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
– Unknown –

If you had to choose between losing weight or chocolate, would you pick dark, white or with milk?
– Unknown –

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.
– Unknown –

Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can.
– Author Unknown –

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
– Dave Barry –

Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.
– Author Unknown –

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
– Author Unknown –

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are.
– Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today Show –

Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate.
– Sandra Boynton –

Save the earth… It’s the only planet with chocolate!
– Author Unknown –

Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.
― Judith Viorst, Love & Guilt & The Meaning Of Life, Etc –

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.
– Author Unknown –

There is nothing better than a good friend, unless it is a good friend with chocolate.
– Linda Grayson –

The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare…neither knew chocolate.
– Sandra Boynton –

The 12-step chocolate program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!
– Terry Moore –

There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now.
– Unknown –